I was born into this world
Without your precense.
I didn't know how you looked like.
Nor did I know who you are.

As days, months, years,
passed by, I grew up.
And you olny came back home for a lingering moment.

Childhood times,
I still remembered.
Of how I would disobey you,
causing trouble,
and spoiling our family's name.

The times, where you would beat me,
scold me.
The times which I though I hated you.
That hatred and anger, I kept it within me.

I couldn't vent it out for some reason.
I wanted to know why.

Time pressed on.
Never stopping.
I'm a teenager now.
And he still comes home olny for a bit.

As I mature, I gained some answers to my question.
I respect him now for being the sole bread winner for my family.
He is someone which I respect the most.
Above all.
Respected then any other hero.
He is,
My father.

As I write my feelings down now,
It takes me back to the times
where I would see other children with their parents.
I have mother,
but I feel like I'm incomplete.

I would always ask myself,
'Why isn't my father here?'

I am one of those who do not know
what fatherly love means.
I could olny just imagine.
But never hope to get as of now.

Father.
I'm sorry.
For all the trouble I have caused you.
I haven't been a good son.
I have let you down.
My grades aren't good at all.
I feel as if my future will turn out bad.

All I wanted to is to bring glory to the family.
To make mother proud.
And make you proud.
I want to see both of your joyful expressions
if I accomplish something,
be it big or small.

I just want to make you proud.
For what I accomplish.

But the many times I told myself that I would change,
I just couldn't.

I still stuck to my normal ways.
Not studying.
Nor do I bother about my future.
As the major exams come closer now,
I start to get scared.

I am alot of pressure.
I don't know what you two would do if
I were to score bad grades
and end up nowhere..

I don't want that!
I don't want to be at the losing end!
I want to be someone which is usefull to the society.
Someone which would make you two proud.

But at the rate I'm going..
I don't think I could do it.
I'm lost.
I'm pathetic..

All I'm doing now is cry.
Every night.
As I reflect upon myself.
Why can't I do anything about it?
Why can't I just sit down and study like
those top students do?
Why do I waste my wandering around and live in my own world!
WHY!
Why...

If I were to get bad grades..
Everyone will be dissapointed with me.
I would have let everyone down.

Mother..
Father..
Grandma..
Uncle..
Everone who expects so much from me..

I'm sorry..
I just can't do as much..
I've let you all down.