\-\ Walk within my poetry /-/

2009-03-25T18:06:00.003+08:00

Without a trace.

The title to the 3rd song from The Gazette's new album, Distress and Coma. I may not know the Jap languange very well. Though the ambience and feel from this song had a strong impact from start to end. It feels like the voice of a part of me which I've not been able to express until this song came out. Oh well, we'll wait and see when the translations are out :)

2009-03-22T03:21:00.001+08:00

Your just like an angel.

Her skin makes me cry.

Your so fuckin' special.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

I don't belong here.

2009-03-09T04:28:00.001+08:00

This doesn't hurt.

This is nothing.

This doesn't hurt at all :)

2009-03-05T02:53:00.001+08:00

PLEASE

PLEASE

PLEASE

LET THE FOREST GT BE 2K ON FRIDAY!!!

2009-03-01T01:29:00.004+08:00

Yare yare..

Just a slip of what I'm feeling right now and things turn upside down..

Guess there's no use showing people what I'm trully feeling. Since the moment I do, they just distance themselves.

So let's plaster a smile :)

I'm the worst aren't I..
They must really hate me now..

2009-02-28T12:34:00.001+08:00

Creep by Radiohead

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye,
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry;

You float like a feather,
In a beautiful world,
I wish I was special,
You're so fuckin' special;

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here;

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control,
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul;

I want you to notice,
When I'm not around,
You're so fuckin' special,
I wish I was special;

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again,
She's running,
She runs runs runs runs...
Runs...

Whatever makes you happy,
Whatever you want,
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special;

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here,

I don't belong here...

2009-02-22T02:15:00.001+08:00

Well. That's that. If sales doesn't do well within the next 3 months, the shop WILL close down.

Heh.

Now the question.

To leave it to close down or help it out..

2009-02-21T00:38:00.003+08:00

And so my colleague too wants to quit his job due to the mounting pressure that we're facing. Guess if the both of us quit the job, the boss would panic due to the lack of workers..If we both quit, he'd lose a worker and a good salesperson. Seriously, 4 bucks with 5% commission out of the total sales I make is PEANUTS. I know that I'm a new worker. But couldn't you just increase my pay by 50 cents? I'm travelling from one end to another almost everyday. I've literally sold my soul to the company as I've not spent time even with my family.

Sister: I miss big brother

Me: Huh? Why?

Mum: Cos you always come home at 1 to 2am everyday and when your sis goes to school your still snoring in your room

Only when she said so that I realised how much time I'm spending at work. What with school coming up soon. I'm so gonna quit the job. I mean, I doubt it'd have an impact on anyone. Well maybe the regulars who come in to talk to me would feel kinda sad but still...

Well, that's the major thing on my mind right now. Then there's things about friends. I'm seriously lost as to what to do. Who's in the wrong? Who's in the right? In the end I take all the blame upon myself and see what happens? They'll take advantage of it and repeat the vicious cycle.

I seriously need somewhere, someone, something to rest my head on.

2009-02-20T04:16:00.003+08:00

It's 4:15am in the morning and I'm still up.

It seems that my life as a worker at the shop I work for will be short lived.
From next week onwards, I'd have a pair of eyes watching every move I make. This means that I'd have to be at a 110% in whatever I do. So what does this add up to? Extra pressure and stress. Seriously, I can only do sales alone. Yes, I may slack like my colleage but I produce results unlike him. I can exercise my freedom. And man, how am I supposed to sell when there's nobody to sell my products to? Even if the people who come in to the shop, you think persuading them is easy if they are not even into the things we sell? I'm seriously thinking of retiring after april. I'm not in need of money. Neither am I obliged to sell my soul to the company. I'm just doing a favour since I've been recomended for the job.

Sigh..My current form of escapism is gonna be robbed once more and I'll be prone to thinking bout the problems I've shelved all this while. Guess I'm nothing more of a coward. Running away from my problems.

2009-02-15T12:17:00.002+08:00

What's with that frown?
Are you feeling down?

With tears that are black,
Are holding back?

Let it be heared.

Let it be screamed.

They'll never take us alive.

Till we die.

2009-02-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

Uhh, like seriously.

WHAT

THE

FUCK

2009-01-19T02:17:00.002+08:00

Hokay. It's been quite a good day I must say. Went out with SD, Bya, Kaen, Shiki, Ayano and her friend =D

We met up at Chinatown station at around 12+. The noah's, meaning me and kaen were late and there was the noah connection again cos we arrived at almost the same time xD Well, we went to buy SD's shoes at people's park complex I think .__. and headed to pan-in-the-box after that to get kaen to talk to the boss for job application~ While the rest were eating at subway, the boss called for me and we discused bout work on monday. I just hope the pressure doesn't get to me D8

From there, we moved on to Dhoby ghaut to play at the arcade. From then on, people began leaving one by one. And at the end of the session at the arcade, it was left with me, Bya, SD and Kaen. Oh and I tried my hand at playing Jubeat. And man I suck xD

We then managed to stop SD from playing on and went to Plaza Singapura to get SD and Bya's CNY clothes. Truth be told that was actually the 1st time I went out with friends to buy clothes D8 Usually it's with my mum. (Mommy's boy HAHA!)But it was quite enjoyable I must say ^^

All of us part ways around 6 and I headed to City hall to meet up with my Lead Guitarist, Syahmee. We made haste for Davis Guitar as he wanted to order an ESP Eclipse /w Tremolo arm. A really high end guitar which is worth 1.5k. Sadly, when we arrived there, the shop was closed =w= Eventhough I didn't have to get or do anything, I can help but feel kinda empty as we're like leaving empty handed. So I suggested we go get some snack and head for the esplanade in hopes that there'll be a gig. And lo and behold! There actually was a gig at 7:30pm. The band performed songs from the Blues genre. And I must, the both of us was quite intriqued by it. For a moment there, it almost converted us to take up blues >__<

But it was a good change from the heavy, rock songs we usually hear. As we got to my house, we whipped out our guitars and began practicing, "Taion". And boy did we improve on our chemistry to work together. The sound that was produced was alot more harmonious and just plainly sounds good =3

In a way, the day was a really good one. I've managed to cheer myself up alittle. People around me are happy, I think. Well, that's it from me for today. Will be working officially in a few hours time so I've gotta get my beauty sleep =D

Adios~

PS: Here are some pics of the gig by the esplanade
http://s466.photobucket.com/albums/rr29/weissritter_13/Gig%20by%20the%20river/

2009-01-15T23:03:00.002+08:00

Hokay. An update!

Getting straight to the point, I've just missed the jaws of results when I got back my results. And did I say, horrible results? 20 points for L1R2 + CCA. As much as I've dissapointed those who had even a small amount of expecations, I feel that the person I've let down the most was myself. I mean, I feel that I've given it my all and yet this is the shitty results that I get? Whereas those who either don't pay attention in class, skip school can get better grades then me?! Especially maths. I friggin missed out on all engineering courses from all the poly's except for Republic's cos my maths got a D7!! Gaahh! *whacks self* After all that effort..But still..Sigh..

I am lost. Confused. Dazed. Alone. And just afraid of what the future lies for me. I am forced to take a course which I have absoulutely no intrest in. Will I be able to accept that course and have a bright future? Will I be able to make it into the University? Questions which will not show the answers till sometime in the near future..I am so afraid right now..

Despite my future looking bleak right now, the present is quite alright..I'm finally employed at Pan-in-the-box's Downtown East outlet. With this, I'm able to fund my cosplay projects. Especially my Justocorps costume which my friend has quoted, would cost me 1k again >__> This time, I feel that my money would be in safe hands and that he won't let me down..Another thing would be Negi lending me his ESP LTD F-10 electric guitar. Thanks to it, I've been able to play 2 new songs and currently learning another one. And I must say, my friend's theory of the grade of the guitar playing an important role in the guitarist's development is true. With a better grade guitar like Negi's F-10, I've been able to play songs which I thought I'd never be able to play in a long time. Yet I managed to play em in just a matter of days. That being said, maybe I should just save up abit more and order a custom ESP model? But I guess, then, I'd not be worthy of that guitar. So it'll still be the F-250..Which is coming soon since the F-50s have arrived at the shop.

Other than that, i seriously think..I just need someone to comfort me..If not that something or someone to make me laugh..and laugh my doubts and distress away..

2009-01-08T00:47:00.002+08:00

The days have passed and I think I've begun settling into the new year. And by golly! What fun has this pass few days been. You could say they were those better days which I've had in my life.

I mean, just letting your hair down. Going on crack, laughing, having fun. To top it up, they were with people which I least expected or do not talk to much in the past. I must also thank SD for showing me Melindachan's video logs. Yes, they were fun to watch and it had me laughing for a few good hours. However, it thought me a valuable lesson behind all that fun and laughter. And that is my mentality as a cosplayer. I mean, just by watching a few of those video logs, I noticed the difference between our cosplay community and the American cosplay community.

The peeps in America are really laid back and the one thing in their minds when they put on their costumes and go for an event is to have fun. And boy do they really ensure that it will be fun. What bout us back in little Singapore? What do we feel when we put on our costumes? I'm sure there's fear of being flamed, fear bout not being perfect/good looking in costume. It's all fear, uptight and such. Not that I'm saying that we don't have fun. But seriously, we're too uptight and such. Another thing bout the peeps in America, it doesn't matter if your fat,big,tall,small,short,tanned,white or whatever. They really don't care. Here's an example. A big sized cosplayer doing a character which is smaller sized. People there don't ignore him/her. They actually go to them and say, "Hey man. Your looking good there" or "Nice costume". Over here..What do we get?? People will tend to ignore these people and go look for those elite cosplayers. And when they get home what happens? Flames and shit storms happen. As I see all these I can just give a sigh and shake my head. Another good example is when the cameraman in the video log shouts, "HEY GUYS! YOUR ON YOUTUBE!". And their reaction? A big and wonderful "HI!". What if you try doing that in Singapore? People will go, "Siao", walks away/hides self or of course a minority who are on high would say "Hi".

As I watched more video logs, I felt that if people don't change their mentality, I should change mine. This is so, I'd get best of both worlds. I'd learn to enjoy myself more and be less uptight yet not neglecting on my costume ^^

Well, that's my rant for my depression on being a cosplayer who's odds are stacked against me.

O level results are released on the 12th of January 2009 at 2pm. It's gonna be D-day on that day..What would be the result of being in 5 years of secondary school be..Oh great one, I've tried my best. I want to get into poly so please grant my wish. It's been a good so far. So, all I need to make it real is just one more reason..

That and let me get my job at Pan-In-The-Box! RAWRR!!

2008-12-31T23:54:00.002+08:00

It's been one heck of a year..

Gave myself the chance to not run away from O levels and came back to sec 5 was a blessing. I was right to listen to change my mind and listen to my mum. Thanks mum. The finaly year of my secondary school life has been meaningfull. Sadness,fear,anger,frustration,happiness, disappointment and more. I felt it all. All those raw emotions. Going through all those ups and downs? I have no regrets. And I'm not gonnna say that I'll die a happy man but instead, I want to live. Live and live till my fullest! And obviously, I can't do it alone. I'll need the people whom are close to my heart to kick me in arse, slap me in the face and scold me off when I lose my way ^^ They are my map.

What's a map without tools?

Music has seriously played a role in my life ever since young. I still remember how I protested to my mum that I hated normal music and only prefered preachings from the holy muslim men. Those were my innocent days. Though it's all long gone as I grew up. From preachings, anime has pulled me into the j-pop genre. It grew onto me and it was only when I was 15 that I was introduced to a Visual Kei band called The GazettE by Shermaine that a part of my life which has been missing was restored. You see, I feel that there's a difference between pop and rock. There's a feeling to rock music. It seems more pure no matter how distorted the music may sound. It doesn't sound as fabricated as pop. Oh well. Point being, music has been an intregal tool in my life. And in 2008, I became involved with the music I love so much. I actually took up arms(guitar and piano) and went ahead to learn music. It's given me such joy. I seriously think that music is the true international language which trenscends the language barrier and without music, the world won't be a vibrant place to live in.

Well, those are two big events which has transpired in 08. And as usual, bad stuff happens to me more then good. 08's attempt at getting back to having a love life failed epically and I lost 1.2k over a crappy costume. There's many more to list but hey, it's the new year. Not the way to start a new year ya?

With that, I clasp my hands together. Praying that this year. This year. 2009. Would be a good year throughout and would have more surprises instored for me.

Cheers and have a good year ahead.

-Peace out-

2008-12-28T19:26:00.002+08:00

I am such a sad existance.

Me losing my way caused so much trouble for the people around me.

Why oh why is it like this?

Life, is this your idea of a joke?

As you enjoy yourself watching with a glass of coke.

2008-12-24T18:59:00.001+08:00

That aside, Leech by The Gazette is an effing epic piece to play..

2008-12-24T13:31:00.002+08:00

I will, I must, be released from these shackles and go into full bloom. Never wiltering, never faltering. I will be strong. So strong i'd never have to shed my petals again.

2008-12-14T00:46:00.003+08:00

It's about time I go to bed so I'll just pen down my thoughts for today ^^

Today was a big day for most cosplayers as it's the End of Year cosplay event which was held at Singapore Expo. I, on the other hand, sit this event out, yet again. Making it the 2nd. Well, I have various reasons for not wanting to attend and each year, it's for different reasons so don't go thinking I have something against it xD

So, since I missed out on all the fun, it was pretty much a normal day. Apparently, today, my fingers were on fire and I pretty much nailed down each song I practiced on my guitar. I even managed to went on learning a new song called Decode by Paramore. Not only that, I cooked up another intro for a new song =D So, I'm pretty much a satisfied man today.

My band members have finally picked up the pace and started practicing though each of em doesn't have proper instruments to practice with xD My lead guitarist has followed my path of learning electric guitar based songs using an acoustic guitar whereas my bassist is using an acoustic guitar to play bass parts. So yeah, we're pretty much crawling our way to playing properly =P

Also, I've been dealt with bad news which made me and my lead guitarist feeling depressed for quite a bit. It seems that the guitars which we have been waiting for were postponed AGAIN due to world wide shortage of ESPs and LTDs. Though it was depressing news, makes me realise how sought after the brand of guitar which I like is across the globe. You don't usually get worldwide shortages of guitars with other brands, I think xD

Well, that's pretty much it. I've just finished spring cleaning my room. Packed all the notes, textbooks and paper into plastic bags, ready to be sold to the Karang Guni. However, when I packed my stuff, my heart felt heavy in doing so..It's like I'm going to be leaving an old friend. All those homework which I didn't do, test papers which I failed, the stuff I scribbled. Guess those books,notes and paper which have accompanied me through my secondary school life will have to go..It was also then that I realised that I'm going to be an adult next year. Which means I'm getting old. Certain stuff which can be done when one is a teen can't be done when one is an adult. And I used to be a kid who wanted to be an adult quickly. Guess it's still best if one could remain a kid.

I shall end my post with a song. It's called a 100 years. Go fiqure why I chose it ^^
-----------------\
Five For Fighting \
100 Years /
-----------------/

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the waves to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Every day's a new day...

Ooh, ooh...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

2008-11-25T17:16:00.001+08:00

Pictures for prom night and the aftermath are up~

http://s466.photobucket.com/albums/rr29/weissritter_13/Prom%20Night%202008/

2008-11-24T07:18:00.002+08:00

Hokay! It was a really long day for me and I mean long.

Woke up at 5 with butterflies in my stomach. I was anxious, nervous and afraid. The best thing? I do not even know why I'm feeling such. And so, I let the time pass till 10:30am, where I left for the saloon to get myself groomed for the prom that night. Was somewhat satisfied with my hairstylist's job and proceeded to flag a cab to meet Winter @ Tampines so that we could take the bus from there to Bedok to collect the cake for Kaen-aneki's birthday =3

After collecting the cake, we took the train to city hall and went to suntec. I kept pleading to winter to walk slooooowllly so that we would reach there late on purpose. But she ignored me and zoomed off without me. Reluctantly, I just followed -__-

Anime Festival Asia. An event so many people look forward to yet, I dread the day. God knows why. And so, we met the rest of the clique. I went around being santa claus and gave out my presents for the October and November peeps. Also, I got to meet 2 new people, Vivian and Bo. Shucks. Vivivan said I'd make a good Tyki and Bo kept saying I was a good guy. I. Swear. I. Was. Turning. Pink. =X

And so, at 5:30pm, my classmates contacted me and told me that time's up and we've gotta proceed to York hotel for prom. And it was JUST before we were gonna celebrate Kaen-aneki's birthday. Sigh. Aneki, if your reading this, I AM SORRY! I hope my present makes up for my absence. Oh yes. WINTER! I AM SORRY FOR NOT EATING YOUR CAKE x___x AND EVERYBODY WHO ATE MY COOKIES, I AM SORRY IF IT'S BAD/HORRIBLE/LOOKS CRUMBLY OR WHATSOEVER!

Well. That's for the 1st part of my long day. When evening comes, prom night begins. But it was seriously an overated event. I already came there knowing I won't expect much. 1st, It's too restricted. As in, there's not much freedom to let loose to a certain extent. In the end, it turned out to be a formal function. Sigh..I think I would stop the list here. All I can say, prom night sucked. I went with the right mentality to just go there, enjoy the food and socialise with my fellow classmates. Those who went there expecting something like a big thing in your life, then I shall pat your shoulder and give you a heavy sigh.

As usuall, such events will never go on schedule so prom ended at 11:30. After much confusion, arguments, plans and basically waiting around, we finally managed to gather the people. Since the night was still young, about 18 people wanted to spend the night out and not go home. I was one of them. After much planing and people going home halfway, we finally decided on doing the GREAT MARCH xD From Far East plaza, allllllllllllllll the way to the Esplanade. Well, it was alright at first but we lost all of the girls halfway through the walk due to their high heels. Pity them but made us guys move without hassle. At about 2am, we finally reached Esplanade's outdoor ministage with shelter through the rain. There, it was empty except for a couple smooching. We took off our smart shoes and socks and practically slacked around the area. Taking pictures, talking while me and a few others went hunting for any toilets which are available since most toilets are IN the building. Luckily, we found a toilet outside of the Esplanade. THANK YOU GOD.

With the toilet matter settled, the next thing we needed was food. Some suggested calling McDonalds and see if they delivered to the Esplanade xD In the end, we settled for 7 eleven AND IRONICALLY, it's situated at Marina square, the place I've been to earlier that day =__=

Our night only started later on. We decided to go back to the outdoor ministage but half way, we caught sight of a huge flight of stairs at the corner of Marina square. And so? We went there, 3 got knocked out while the rest of us stayed up. It was already 4. That was where the fun started. We started relieving the memories and times we had during the past 5 years in secondary school. All the stupid and idiotic things we did. The times we got scolded, caned, pissed teachers off. Or stuff like how innocent we were during sec 1 and how much we've changed from there. It was awesome. Everyone laughing our asses off, looking back at the things we do.

But the night had to come to a close. at 6am, we woke up the 3 sleeping musketeers who went to lala land and went to board the train back to the west side. In the train, all was silent. I managed to get a seat and was dozing on and off. After reaching Jurong East, we bid our farewells and here I am, at home, after a nice long bath. Still haven't had a proper sleep for I am about to leave the house again to continue the "after party" at my friend's house.

For that, here's me, signing off =D

2008-11-22T14:21:00.002+08:00

Day 2 of baking and I must say, I'm satisfied what I've made. Chocolate fudge cookies and cut'n slice cookies with M&M's =D For a 1st timer, I must say, I've got a knack for baking I think. The cookies turned out round and nice and not forgetting doesn't taste bad at all >__< I hope the peeps who's gonna eat em will enjoy what I've made.

Speaking of tommorow..I am totaly not looking forward to tommorow. Gut feeling tells me that something, more inclined towards bad, would happen. The only thing I look forward to is the buffet during prom xD GONNA EAT MY SORROW AWAY~! xD But really, I don't feel anything. I'm just numb. *Facepalm* Now Linkin Park's Numb is playing in my mind. *Shakes head*

Before I start rambling on, I shall end it here. It's gonna be a longgg day tmr. *slaps face* Come on Kai! Stay sharp, look good and try to enjoy yourself tmr! Life's not over. We can start all over again~! For that, AFA and Prom, HERE I DESCEND!

2008-11-18T12:59:00.002+08:00

What if I would be able to turn time?

What if I hadn't said those things back then?

What if I had just remained ignorant to my feelings?

So many what if's..Yet I was a fool. Couldn't let myself go. Eventhough I feel the end.

2008-11-16T07:37:00.003+08:00

Dear diary,

It's been awhile since I've been rebelious. How you ask? By going out and not coming home till the next morning. Best thing? 25 missed calls and 8 messages. All not answered. What was I doing? Attending a friend's BBQ party and then playing Guitar Hero World Tour over at his house from 9pm till 4:30am in the morning. Boy did it felt great. Being rebelious and jamming it out with my classmates through the night. What a form of escapism..

During the BBQ, I automatically offered to help cook for the rest and help out my friend's mum. Surprisingly, as I stood infront of the hot pit as I cook, I didn't sweat. This snowman didn't melt! Also, wise words frommy friend's mum made me look at reality for a bit even in my escapism. "BBQ-ing food takes time and patience. Like they say, good things don't come easy and it will come to those who wait", she said. That kinda made me think for a bit as I tend to the food till the whole BBQ ended and we headed back up to their house.

But alas, it had to end and as I went home, had my bath and now typing down my thoughts, the adrenaline is slowly going away. And then, it's gonna be back to reality..And man do I feel guilty now for worrying my mum like that due to my selfishness...I guess after trying my best to be a good person for all these years has sunk deep into my skin. That past demon is just but a fleeting memory which would haunt me occasionally..

Come on self, get a grip!

2008-11-14T07:06:00.002+08:00

Dear diary,

I apologise for my outburst last night. It's been awhile since I let go of the frustrations, problem and thoughts inside of me. Thank you for serving me all this years, my emotional intercooler. I doubt anyone reads you anymore, so, for that, I think I can just shout my heart at you. Well, I'll save that for another day. Afterall, I'm just but a simple bottle. How many liters of stuff I can take before I reach my full capacity? I have no idea. But when it does start to overflow, I'll be sure to empty myself here =P

But man. With the holidays here, I thought I'd be able to run from it all. Escape. But instead, as I sit at home, with nothing to do, I reminicise, lament and sigh at myself for all that has happened over course of the past few months. Though I might have managed to psycho myself into thinking that, "This is all part and parcel of finding my happiness", I still think, why do things go wrong EVERY single time it comes to matters of the heart? Having seeked advice from my childhood friend, he straight out, told me bout the situation I am in. "Bro, EVERYTHING is going against you". Yes, I did say cooly that I'll duke it out with my emotions and steel myself till better days trenscend but if things always break apart before it even starts, then what the heck?! Yeah, so people tell me I'm a good guy, a gentlemen. And somehow, I manage to help people solve the many problems they have in life. But what bout me, myself and I. Why can't I be the person to save myself? Why must others save me? Why can I save others while others can't seem to save me? Why must my path to happiness be so tainted, poluted and cluttered that I suffocate and collapse from the mess before I even start searching for that gem. Yes, so I usually tell people, "If you think your suffering, there are others who are suffering even more". In the state I am in now, I say screw it. I want to think for myself more then I think for others. I pissed away the best in me because of that. BUT. YET. When I do be selfless, some people around me just, somehow, can't accept what I'm doing. So wtf? I help you humans so much and destiny just laughs at my face and give me shit? Hello~? I'm human too. I want my slice of happiness as well. Yes, you do give me happiness but in small increments. It's like the economic recession, except, you give me more and longer recessions then rises..If you do so, then the person won't flourish and just wilter.

I guess my childhood friend is right. Everything is going against me. Life and all. Yet, I still don't wanna stop. However, the wall blocking me called fear, still stands. I fear for my reputation, my life, my future and present, my relationships with people and currently, my feelings for her. When would be the time when I could just cast all these aside and feel light that I would feel reborned again then I could maybe pluck that courage to confess. But no, life just has to throw me into a scenario where I'm in a great state of confusion with the voices around me and hurt someone's feelings in the process. Sigh..Life..If this is your idea of a joke, it's not funny. If this is your idea of a test, I've endured. You want me to endure somemore? I'll gladly take up your challenge though I'll just keep wilting the further I go for you forgot to water this Mimosa. A defective touch-me-not who would gradually stop opening due to the lack of "rain" and constant "touching" of people.

I'll stop here. For now. Before I write an essay bout my rants eventhough I said I wont rant today.... Man I rant like a bitch..

2008-11-13T19:18:00.004+08:00

Dear diary,

With the war over, thing seems to have settled down. My classmates have all gone job hunting while I'm at home bidding my time, as I have secured two jobs. One job as a salesman at Isetan Orchard serving a French designer brand called Agnes Bí. The other as a tutor for my kid sis. I get friggin paid to teach my own sibling! How coold is that >__< Well, that's for jobs.

Well, another big thing happened for me today. I FINALLY SCORED MY FIRST GOAL, IN MY SCHOOL FIELD, DURING AN OFFICIAL MATCH! The sec 5's won the sec 2's, 9 - 4. It was an AWESOME match. The 1st half, we got trashed 4 - 1. However, during the second half, our morale somehow came back, we played leisurely and came back with that immense number of goals. An awesome comeback.

Like I always say, after each recession, there's always a rise. It's a vicious cycle. Well, it's been happening alot in my life. After each major setback, I gain small, valuable, good things in life. It's like finding a beautiful rose in a midst of rubbish. So, I hope with this rise, I'm finally able to be with her. Well, somehow ^^

One last thing for the day. I REAAALLLY THINK, I'm attracting the wrong gender *Facepalm*. Lately, this classmate, god, please show him the way. He's paranoid that we didn't call him for the soccer match. So what the eff? You had to like friggin go to my house to ask for my handphone number?! WTF. Man.. Last year, I was stalked by a guy and now another paranoid guy just have to come disturb my peace. The other peeps OUTCASTED you. I'm neutral. So, you throw your complains to me, it's as good as talking to a wall. I'm not picking a fight. I'm just saying, if your gonna blame me too for not calling you out for the soccer match today, think twice. Who was the one who counselled and helped you out with YOUR relationship problems eventhough MY OWN love life is in shambles and I had MY OWN problems? ME. Who was the one who bothered to even talk to you when the rest outcasted you? ME. So, be thankful that I even listen to you.

God..That felt great..Really. Could it be true like what my friends say? Because I love putting on women's perfume that I'm attracting males then females? D8 If it's true then...OTL Bleah..Stupid class politics...

2008-11-08T12:57:00.002+08:00

Dear diary,

With nothing much to do till that last paper, I've been pretty much having R&R. Re-reading Detective Loki again and it kinda reminded me of Kuroshitsuji. Why? Loki and Ciel have lots of similarities >__> They both look simillar, they have butlers (Though Sebastian is waay cooler then Yamino *__*), they both live in a mansion (Phantomhive mansion FTW!).

Other than that, I've just been scared to hystrics last evening thanks to Bev *facepalm* It's now or never man.

Still no idea when my ESP LTD F-250 is arriving in Singapore. But I've got plans to get a new effects pedal. A ZOOM G 2.1. It's an awesome piece of machinery. Finally I'll be able to record my playing directly to the CPU thus it's ear friendly to the dudes who listen to me play.

Other than that, yesterday was AWESOME. Been awhile since I tried dressing up or doing anything cosplay related. Thus me and my two friends played around with eyeliner and one of the wigs which I don't use at all. I've updated my profile with one of the pics so you, whoever that reads this humble blog of mine, can view xD

I shall end here.

Peace out-

2008-11-03T19:31:00.002+08:00

Dear diary,

Day 15. Tactical errors again. Studied chapters which didn't appear in the paper. Was pretty much using common sense and some general knowledge to answer the SEQs. Man..God, please let me pass with a C6 at least for combined humanities m(_ _)m

Things are pretty much slowly going down the drain for me. I've pissed the best of me and now it refuses to study >__> "COME ON SELF! IT'S JUST FOR 3 MORE PAPERS! PLEASEEEEE!"

Other then that, guitar is dying on me. It's producing buzzes and noise when plugged. F-250, pleaseee arrive in singapore already! I've got enough money to buy you!!! D8

Lastly, the pieces of the puzzle are starting to form and I can somewhat understand the situation better. There's not much to do but wait.

2008-11-02T12:46:00.002+08:00

Sigh, my form of escapism won't last much longer as it'll end in 9 more days! D8 You've been a good friend O levels (_ _)

Apart from that note, reality is crawling slowly back to me as the countdown till the end of the war continues. Aside from that, nothing much has happened. Been pretty much living like a hermit =3. A hermit who's been eating nothing but vegetables for the past few weeks xD I'm a carnivore damnit! But oh well. This body is screwing up on me thus the need for nutrition T___T

Other then that, been compiling a few recepies here and there to bake for Kaen and the rest of the SRF some pastries as it's her birthday on the Anime Festival Asia. Figured cake would have to wait as it's gonna be a hassel for the peeps to eat while some are busy cosplaying and some,enjoying themselves. Also, since I would just be dropping by, least I could give is something to eat. So~At least, eventhough my prescence isn't there, my food would keep ém company >__<

2008-10-31T09:12:00.002+08:00

A reminder to self

-Hopeless romantics are only hopeless in the eyes of those who don't believe in romance(Jean Zheng)[Romantics see love where others do not]

-To have the rose, you must accept the thorns(Joe sin)[If you avoid all the pains of love, you'll also miss the pleasures]

-The great question - which I have not been able to answer - is, "What does a woman want?"(Sigmund Freud)[When a woman is a mystery, loving her is an endless adventure]

-If you were going to die soon and had only one phonecall you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?(Stephen Levine)[If you wait too long, it might be too late. Call right now]

-I did not know I loved you until I heared myself telling you so. For one instant I thought,"Good god, what have I said?" and then I knew it was true(Bertrand Russell)[Love asks that you surrender common sense]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The campaign is pretty much over. The major battles have been fought. Somehow I feel like I'm leaving a friend behind. The O's have been a good form of escapism for me. Once I get back "home", the relentless surges of problems and conflicts will we be out to rape me. I have to maintain status quo but I doubt I'd wait for a long time this time as stated from one of the sayings avove, "If you wait too long, it might be too late. Call right now".

Other then that, The battle is 3/4 done and I'm already gonna prepare myself for the daily battles which will continue even after O's. A battle called Life.

2008-10-28T16:39:00.003+08:00

Dear diary,

Day 9 was awful. I was defeated but not totaly by History due to major tactical errors.

These are the main 2:
- Wrong battle strategy. Studied China but did not come out for Structured Essay. In the end it came out for Source based. A slap on the face for me.

-Carelessness. I was already in a state of panic when I was doing my SEQ. So instead of putting question no. 3a and 3b, I wrote down 4a and 4b on both my answer sheet and cover page.

Another factor which cannot be helped was fever. A really wrong time for my body to get sick..Was practically struggling through the paper to stay alert. And I looked after you properly these days by eating lots of vegies and ensuring you've got ample ammounts of rest. So why do you have to betray me!!! *strangles body*

Sigh...My morale has definetly reached an all time low for this campaign so far. Somehow need to find that boost, that surge of morale back or god knows how I'll fare for the rest of the O level campaign..

2008-10-27T20:28:00.002+08:00

Dear diary,

Day 8 was a total last-minute check for tommorow's battle. Though I'm still uncertain if the amount of stuff that I've studied has gone through my skull. O ther then that, I guess it was finally a time to change this blog's image. Could literaly feel how old it got. And here it is, the theme which best represents the me now.

2008-10-26T21:06:00.002+08:00

Dear diary,

Day 6 was a great day. It was just a humbling day. A reality check for me too. What was fun was that I got to play with the pidgeons! 8D

Well, after a day studying, I decided to do my usual jog around the mini park infront of my house. Well, on my 1st lap, a group of pidgeons were blocking the pathway since they were feeding. So I decided to slowdown my pace and tap on my psp three times with a smile to warn them that I was passing through. It took a bit and I had to jog on the spot to let them pass but they moved away so I continued jogging.

On the second lap, I did the same thing. This time they responded more quickly. I didn't take much notice but on the 3rd lap, as I approached the pidgeons, they just made way for me without me having to signal to them! D8 And they did it for the subsequent rounds! It was AWESOME! >__<

Oh~ There was an event on one of the laps that this white pidgeon was hopping away from me. It looked alittle afraid and was unsure whether to fly of or not. I just chuckled and slowed my pace down to show that I'm harmless. In the end, we managed to almost complete half a lap!

This must be the reason why I have a thing for pidgey, pidgeotto and pidgeot when I play pokémon >___< But it was seriously awesome. Given the chance, I'd like to play with the pidgeons again and maybe, one day, I'd be able to tame the whole load of em? That'd be AWESOME!

Day 7. Was a slow day. Woke up in the morning with a bad dose of headaches and coughs. Guhh =w= Went to check my temperature and worst case scenario was confirmed. I was down with fever. Worst thing which could happen now, in the middle of exams aka the battlefield. Sigh, so body, please pleaaaasseee I beg you. Recover quickly so that we could fight this war together again.

Other than that, day 6 and 7 has been a good reality check for me. I now know that even if 99% of my hardwork is gonna be useless, then after I have done 99% of that useless work, that 1% is treasure waiting to be found.

So it doesn't matter if it's love or studies. For studies, I'll just keep going at with full force to complete that 99% of useless work ^__^ . For love, it's not something that can be forced. It's something I fall into. And I guess I have. From then on, it's just like a river, flowing and flowing till it reaches the sea. So, this particular "river" I have chosen. I'll just need to stay afloat and see where this journey leads me to next!

2008-10-24T10:55:00.000+08:00

Oh man..I seriously gotta pen my thoughts down =w=

Dear diary,

It's been 5 days since I've been sent to the warfront. Here, it's every man for himself, fighting their very own battles. Struggling to survive in this dog eat dog world.

Day 1, the mission was to bring down the subject, code named, Chemistry. I wasn't really satisfied with the outcome of the battle though. I felt that I could have and should have done better. But how much damage have I dealt to the enemy, only time would tell.

Day 2's mission was much better than the previous day. The mission was code named, "The long evening". Reason being, it was a day where I had to battle 2 papers on a single day. And the two papers are from the enemy, English. The 1st paper starts and ends from 2:30 - 4 pm whereas the 2nd papers starts from 5-6:45pm. And in this mission, I felt that I was succesfull in taking the enemy down. At the end of paper 2, tears couldn't help but roll from my cheeks as I was overwhelmed by a sense of satisfaction and relief for my work. A first, that I've felt this kind of emotion.

Day 3 & 4 was considered a break period but I've used it as a time for preparations for the mission on day 5. As I'll meet my long time nemisis there. Maths.

Today, Day 5. The strong adversary appears. It was an uphill task. The enemy was strong and it got me good in quite a number of areas. Though I feel I won't fail yet I can't guarentee high marks either. The enemy was strong. Yes. We shall meet again on Day 11. I swear I will take you down or I won't be able to face her properly!

Well, it's been full of ups and downs. Both personal conflicts back home and at the warfront. Sigh. It just makes me feel that I'd rather stay at the warfront. Taking O levels. Not being able to go back where more problems, conflicts lie ahead to be solved. As in the warfront, I'll just need to worry of keeping myself alive and take each enemy down sytematically and as cleanly as possible. I'd just have to worry bout myself. Selfish? I guess so. But if I can't even guard my own back, how am I supposed to guard others?

Mann~O levels sure have put some thought in my mentality. I guess this is a small taste as to how soldiers feel when they go to war. No wonder people change when they go to war..And I think I'll be no different and unable to run away from this change..

2008-10-19T07:49:00.000+08:00

Today

The day I was let into this world.

A world full of never ending problems and challenges.

A world where one struggles to find peace and happiness.

To find love and salvation.

Today

The calm before the storm.

A time before I am sent to war.

Tiramisu in hand,

prepared with tender loving care,

with a farewell kiss I bid good bye,

hoping to return to this place I call home.

To everyone who wished me well,

Thank you.

For I am going into war.

2008-10-15T15:32:00.000+08:00

Jerrald Yeo!

ScREW youuuuu!!!

Screw youuuuu!!

But thank you =w=
----------------------------------------------------

Cos, tonight will be the night that fall for you over again,
Don't make me change my mind.

2008-10-13T21:03:00.001+08:00

Okay.

I've decided.

As in really.

Truthfully.

I'll let go.

It's only gentlemanly to consider a woman's feelings and be strong enough to stop and walk away.

I guess it's part and parcel of wanting to get a single rose in a garden of it's thorns.

The sting aftermath.

2008-10-12T10:28:00.000+08:00

Alright. Another small update. Finally kicked myself to solve the imeem player blocking the text thingy. The player could not be shrunk so I just aligned the post text into the center. At least now you guys can read my posts properly without trying to guess or copy and paste the text onto the notepad or something. And yeah, I've finally changed the song for the blog. It's Tsukiko Amano's Zero no Chouritsu. The theme song for Fatal frame 4 Tsukihami no Kamen ( Mask of the lunar eclipse). Sadly this is also the last song she'll be producing and plans to retire. Sigh, and she had such a powerful voice D8

Well, reason why I put up this song is cos it's gonna be my ending credits song for the time at the start of O levels and till the end.

2008-10-11T12:17:00.000+08:00

Firstly, I shall dedicated this song to myself ^__^

-Crush by David Archuleta-

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
Goin' away

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
Goin' away

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
This crush ain't goin' away
Goin' away
Goin' away
Goin' away

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright, onto the next part. I've finally recorded chizuru and played to the best of my ability =w=. Though there's some mistakes here and there, I think this would be the best cover of Chizuru I have so far and I'm finaaalllyyy getting the hang of changing the pedals >__< Anyways, here's my cover of Chizuru. Enjoy and do go to the actual URL to rate/give comments =3

2008-10-10T17:14:00.000+08:00

Alright!

I know that was fast but,
I've been enlightened.

Shaved hair.(For repentance)
4 cans of redbull.(For the element of death due to overdose)
From Jurong East to Boon lay,
and back again.

I staked my life on the run to see what fate had for me. Something which I do when all hope is lost. And apparently, I made it alive. So I guess fate still wanted me alive. The best part? The final sprint to my lift, the songs "Cassis" followed by "What about now?" began playing from my psp. With those final verses of "cassis" being, "I will walk together, the future's not promised to the future which you are" and the chorus of "what about now? ", I finally understood what I had to do and closed the "spiritual" run as I touched down infront of my block's lift. As the lift slowly took me up to my floor, the question, "what about now?" rang in my head. And as I reached the 9th floor,I peered out of the ledge and saw hands on the ground floor calling out for me. I looked away and felt that home was where I was supposed to go. I didn't die from that run, so that means, my life on earth is not fulfilled yet.

So, the big question, "WHAT ABOUT NOW? "

Well, simple. I shall wait. Till the time is right. Till you see me as the man for you. For I am a touch-me-not, who closes when people touch me yet, I'll gladly open up when the rain falls down on me.

2008-10-09T22:33:00.000+08:00

My brain is clogged.

I am angry with myself.

I am agonised.

I am in despair.

I am kicking the bucket.

I am giving her up.

And I believe a hiatus is in order.

I'll just make myself dissapear for a whole 6 months

Re-appear to fulfil that promise of cosplaying tyki.

GE? I might just kick the bucket for that.

So, I guess it's farewell then.

P.S: Happy now?

2008-10-04T20:04:00.000+08:00

-SCRAP POST-

Just a post to store in famous phrases and sayings as I'm borrowing a book on it from my friend.

-Friendship-

-A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails. (Anonymous)[Be there for your friends when they forget to be there for themselves]

-Strangers are just friends waiting to happen(Anonymous)

-The ornament of the house is the friends who frequent it(Ralph Waldo Emerson)[The most beautiful thing you can invite into your home is a friend]

-The antidote for 50 enemies is one friend(Aristotle)

-Romance-

-The sound of a kiss is not so loud as a cannon, but it's echo lasts a great deal longer(Oliver Wendell Holmes)[One gesture of love stirs a thousand emotions]

-Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold(Renée Schwartz)

-At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet(Plato)[Love releases the very best in all of us. Even the shyest soul finds a divine vocabulary]

-The great question - which I have not been able to answer - is, "What does a woman want?"(Sigmund Freud)[When a woman is a mystery, loving her is an endless adventure]

-The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they're alive(O.A Battista)[The joy you give by expressing your love is more potent than the embarrassment you feel]

-If you were going to die soon and had only one phonecall you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?(Stephen Levine)[If you wait too long, it might be too late. Call right now]

-There's no need for an aniversary to celebrate. Everyday with you is a celebration(anonymous)[Love daily: celebrate every day)

-The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves(William Penn)[Being jealous of others is harmful to you. Being joyful of others is good for you)

-To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose is the next best(William Thackery)[Love is a gift worth giving, even when it's not well-recieved]

-Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love(Issac Newton)[Love is a different law of nature)

-You know when you are truly in love with someone, when you miss them even before they leave(George Shore)[Once you give your heart away, it never comes all the way back]

-I did not know I loved you until I heared myself telling you so. For one instant I thought,"Good god, what have I said?" and then I knew it was true(Bertrand Russell)[Love asks that you surrender common sense]

-Love doesn't make the world fo round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile(Franklin Jones)

-Anyone can be passionate but it takes real lovers to be silly(Rose Franken)[When we are in love its safe to act like children]

-Tell me who loves you and admires you, and I will tell you who you are(Charles augustin)[Be yourself. The love and admiration you deserve will always find you]

-Some people think its holding on that makes one strong - Somerimes its letting go(Robert Taylor)[Letting go takes strength - and builds it]

-Holdays are like love: anticipated with relish, experienced with inconvinience and remembered with nostalgia(Shea Williams)[Love is an uncertain journey. You cant control the experience; you can only enjoy the ride]

-Love is like truth - sometimes it prevails,sometimes it hurts(Victor Garcia)[You cannot control love - that's what makes it such a joy to find]

-Love does not care to define and is never in a hurry to do so(Charles du Bois)[Describing love adds nothing to it]

-Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroided by imagination(Voltaire)[Love is a masterpiece and you are the painter]

-Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and learn to play from your heart(Thelonious Monk)[In love there are no boundaries. Your heart will lead the way]

-Hopeless romantics are only hopeless in the eyes of those who don't believe in romance(Jean Zheng)[Romantics see love where others do not]

-To have the rose, you must accept the thorns(Joe sin)[If you avoid all the pains of love, you'll also miss the pleasures]

-Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see no less(Joshua Gordon)[Love is when we accept someone with their failings, not in spite of them]

-SPECIAL-

-life is like a puzzle,every sidebacks and joys you have is like a piece being fitted in(Jerrald Yeo a.k.a Justice)

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Kudos to my classmate, Loh Yuan Bin, for giving me the opportunity to read such an awesome book which will be my bedtime storybook for the rest of the weekend.

2008-09-28T18:10:00.000+08:00

Hey all. Found sometime to update. Well, during my daily guitar practice sessions, I finally decided to record the song, Taion but the GazettE again. You see, previous recordings were all crap due to the distortion. And now, I think i've made a breakthrough. The distortion finally loves my phone recorder. By the way, it's just audio cos I can't find a way to make my phone stand and record while I play =w= Well, I shall just shut and let you hear the end product. This is Taion, by the Gazette, covered by yours truly.

P.S: Do go to the actual youtube URL to leave a comment ^__^

2008-09-25T05:34:00.000+08:00

It's day 4 of my "Save-myself-revision" and with the things are going I doubt I can last by the 2nd week. Evolving flies and stress sure don't go together.

You must be wondering why or what in the world are these evolving flies which I am talking bout. Well, you see, recently there's these sudden breeding of tiny, green-blooded and proclaimed to be harmless flies which started at the reservoir directly infront of my school. We noticed this sudden increase of breeding when were all waiting for the bus at the bus stop. And trust me, it was like a locust storm cept it's not that harmful. We thought it was and going to be the last time we see this things, however...

The next day, when we came to school, the ourbreak began. The school was infested with these flies. The whole school wasn't spared. Toilets were full of em from what I heared with masses of em clinging together on the toilet door..Well, it taking up every nook and crany is one thing. Psychological and mental irritation came after that. You could practiacally see every person in commonwealth with a cranky mood due to these bugs when they come to school. Those people who still endeure it, like me, will, I swear, become patient people once this outbreak is resolved..

It's not just that, these bugs are evolving. They are becoming bigger and there's a whole range of colours to choose from =w=

Well, battling with stress and these bugs from 19hours daily has been draining. Though I must say, it's really building up my tolerance. And I feel that my maths have been improving. Once I'm confident with my maths, it's on to sciences for me. Then all that's left is to shape and create a miracle to let me leap 15 grades from L1R4 30 to L1R4 15..

Well, that's for school. Social wise, I've been becoming quite quiet. The whole month of fasting where I restrain myself from swearing, being angry has done me some good. I talk lesser and don't get pissed as easily. I hope it does continue for years to come...

There was once when I was talking to a friend of mine and we were describing ourselves by using metaphors. When it came to the topic, "plants and flowers", it seems that she described me as a Touch-me-not because I keep things to myself. Kinda true really. I may be open and true bout what I say and all but there's always this layer of thick wall which keeps the real, real me in check from being shown to the eyes of people. Oxymoron I must say but that's how I describe it.

I guess that's about it for today's post. God knows when I'll update again, so peeps who have been reading yet lurking around, do continue reading and drop a message or two on the tag board on the left hand side of this blog ^^

O level "Save-myself-revision" Programme.

Status
Currently at day: 4
H/P: 57/100
Remarks: Stressed and irritated by evolving flies

2008-09-20T12:27:00.000+08:00

Okay. Frankly, I'm not really feeling happy. I'm agonised, disheartened and frightened with my prelim 2 results. My sciences dropped and my maths only improved by a small margin. This cannot be happening. And the O levels are coming in just 26 days..Most people would say it's too late for anything now. But I say screw it. I'll perform a miracle again like how I did last year by completing my DnT project within 3 days before the deadline. This time, I'll use this 26 days to create and mould that miracle into reality.

But..I'm afraid..

I'm scared..

In the end, this battle, I face alone.

When will I stand on my own two feet.

Come on..You can't stay in your nest forever..

-----------

2008-09-10T21:06:00.000+08:00

Okaaay~ Another update =D

Well, noting much really just wanted to pen down some moments I had for the past two days.

Tuesday:
Maths paper 1 for prelim 2 was a killer. I notice that I do better in paper two then one o__o Something is definetly wrong with me xD Anyways, went to play soccer with classmates. Wanted to test how long I could last out in the hot sun during the month of Ramadhan. And I've gotta say, I'm getting old. Could only last for like 1hr+. Trudged back home and rested till it was time to eat. Apparently my mum wanted to stuff me to death with a whole mountain of kway teow x__x I managed to finish the damn thing after like 4 hours later.

Today: Had no papers today so slept through the rest of the morning. Woke up and had the sudden urge to play pokemon again. All thanks to Shiki who showed me humanised versions of pokemons. And they look seriously cool.

Here's the link to the website:http://s536.photobucket.com/albums/ff326/_Absol_/pokepeople/?start=all

Well, practically played pokemon the whole day. Got 4 badges and collected over 70 out of 150 pokemon already xD Yeah, was a pretty slow day today. And AGAIN, my mum is gonna make me fat >__> She ordered KFC and made me eat 4 pieces of chicken, a packet of popcorn chicken, zinger burger and whipped potato. I was able to eat the rest uptill the chicken part =__= You could practically see the amount of oil on the chicken! And there's 4 of em!! The moment I ate it, couldn't help but have this thought in my mind, "Oh shit..Look at the fat i'm eating" So, I ate 3 and a half of the chicken with the skin being left over. I think I might have chiken-o-phobia for quite a while xD

2008-09-07T22:49:00.000+08:00

This song is dedicated to my agent. A wonderful friend. A reliable one to boot. In no way am I able to repay her kindness. This song is personal to me and..And never mind. On with the song..

--------
Kare Uta
Gazette
--------

Unable to search for the meaning of my heart's empty song
When I turned around, there was nothing left
As time passes, the song fades like a flower
A withered song that doesn't echo

Longing for the past, we grow apart
I knew it would happen, so why does it hurt?
How much does the melody that lingers in my ears echo in my heart?

Nothing has changed since then
I'm facing forward, but it's strange
You're gradually growing so distant I can't reach
I thought we were both lonely
So what am I longing for? I don't know anymore
Before I realize it, you've flown off somewhere
I realize my powerlessness and turn around
And there was my dried-up self

When things are too sad to bear
There's a song without lies that spills over like tears
When I'm too happy for words
I wish I could sing a song like a smile...

The violent trembling still continues
If I hold my breath and stand still
It's like back when there was nothing
I don't want to go back to those cold days

Since I was small I dreamed in dreams
One step at a time
We supported each other, laughing together
We cried and got hurt
Let's walk together in the same-colored dream

When things were too hard to bear
The weakness you showed supported me; I have faith in you
And I can only say it with clumsy words, but
I want to stay here until my withered voice gives out

When things are too sad to bear
There's a song without lies that spills over like tears
When I'm too happy for words
I wish I could sing a song like a smile...

I want to stay here until my withered voice gives out

Until my withered voice gives out...

2008-09-07T18:17:00.001+08:00

Day 3 of spring cleaning my friend's house. Ended the cleaning in 2 hours due to my foul mood. Though abit surprised at the amount I recieved for cleaning up his house for the past 3 compound days. $50..Lot of money. Ahh..Must be due to god loving his followers who are trying their best to do good deeds during the month of Ramadhan. Shan't drag. I'll end it here.

2008-09-07T05:33:00.000+08:00

Bottle bottle
Why haven't you reached your limit?
(Cos I can't)

Bottle bottle
Why haven't you give way?
(Cos I can't)

Bottle bottle
Isn't it time you let it go away?
(Cos I'm afraid)

2008-09-04T19:00:00.000+08:00

*Slumps on bed*
Phew~Spring cleaned my friend's house, part 2 xD It's the second day of cleaning my friend's two storied house and I must say, it's a killer. My back is sore and my brain is malfunctioning thanks to the pungent smell of soap >__< But all these was worth it as I'm getting paid. How much? I have no idea xD

Anyways, like any musician, he or she is sure to want to create their very own melodies. For that, I'm gonna try and pen down my own melody. A rock ballad to be exact. Though I may not have the vision of the sound that I'm gonna produce, I'm gonna try and make the lyrics first. Who knows, make a jap song though I'm not jap XD Google translator shall be my best friend =3 Here's attempt no. 1 entitled Hourglass.

English Lyrics

砂時計~Hourglass~

Illuminated by the midnight constellations,
I was left under that flickering lamp post.
The cruel wind blew against my distorted hair.
Why must life be so unfair?

You were everything
(Though it was lies)
You who kept me alive
(The one who's killing me)

Rain starts to splater
onto my disfigured face.
Warm crimson overflowing
Why must it turn out like this?

You were everything
(Though it was lies)
You who kept me alive
(The one who's killing me)

Times we spent
Give them back!
Till death is to be upon me,
Give me back the sands to fill my leaking hourglass

With my last breath,
I shed that last tear.
My body left to rot over here.

----------------------------------------------------------
Romaji Lyrics

mayonaka no seiza ni tera sareta ,
watashi ha hidari posuto sarete LAMP ga meimetsu shimasu .
watashi no hizun da zankoku na kaze no kami hamonosugoku hantai desu .
nazesoushinakereba fukouhei na jinsei desuka ?

anatagasubete
(Though it was lies)
shisei kite hokan suru
(The one who's killing me)

aki no ame wo kaishi suru
mai DISFIGURED ni chokumen shiteimasu .
atataka i shinku afureteiru
konoyounisuru hitsuyou gaarimasu . sorehanazedesuka ?

anatagasubete
(Though it was lies)
shisei kite hokan suru
(The one who's killing me)

kai watashitachi shiyouzumi
atae rukoto sentou !
shi ha watashi nisarerumade ,
atae ru mi^bakkumai more no sunadokei no suna wo ume ru

watashi no saigo no iki wo ,
watashi uwaya ano saigo no namida desu .
kocchihe kite watashi no karada hidari kara ROT desu .

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2008-09-01T21:56:00.000+08:00

Yeaaahhhh~ I'm back in my cave and shall pen down..Ehh..I mean type down today's chapter of my life since it's still fresh in my mind~

Woke up at 5am in the morn for breakfast since it's the begining of the fasting season so had to eat before sunrise. Thinking back it feels like being a vampire xD Once the sunrises, can't eat and gotta hibernate or do something preferably good. But today, no time to do so. COS IT'S ZE D.GRAY MAN OUTING =D Finally able to meet some of my team members since I'm always trolling around the thread but never posting.

So, for the time while waiting for 1:45pm to leave my house, I mugged on my maths papers till about 11am where I got tired and started watching Fatal frame trailers =X Apparently, Fatal Frame IV is out in japan and of course, like the past two FF series, TSUKIKO AMANO IS DOING IT'S THEME SONG!!!!Known mostly for her two songs, Chou and Koe, this rock diva sadly is retiring from being a single artist after this last song for fatal frame entitled, ZERO no Chouritsu. I really like her voice. Very powerful.

Anyways, back to the events that happened today..1:45 arrived and I got dressed and went to my hairstylist to straighten and style my hair. Took the cab and arrived just in time @ Marina Square. And trust me I was grabbing every single opportunity to see myself in anything which reflects my image as I HAS SEXY LEGS NOW! RAWWRRR! THANK YOU STRAIGHT CUT PANTS xD

Caught up with the guys and lo and behold, my feelings were right. Got forced to wear neko ears, paws and a TAIL! Man..That was the first for me. Never worn one before. So to be sporting, I just act cute =___=...But yeah, was alittle shy cos most of the peeps I don't know yet. But they were very open so I felt very okay being around them. Played para and I failed velfare. Sigh..And they said I was pro...Which I'm not. Felt very awkward playing since there were more pairs of eyes today. Tried my best but failed Velfare2000. Most tiring song in the songlist. Hid my sorry face at the back of the arcade cos I failed and played a simulation game where I had to kill dudes with a katana. Was fun but apparently I suck cos the sensors didn't follow my wants. That was when one of the DGM team's kanda's, kurohebi came along. Basket, got paiseh'ed infront of her. Cos apparently, Tyki is not meant to wield swords >__<

After all that, we played bowling. This time it was Guys versus girls. The guys team seriously sucked today. We played to rounds. First round us guys won. God knows how. Second round was seriously pathetic. The girls won us by 1 point. So, all in all, it was a draw. So the bet where either gender lost had to pay the other gender drinks was due void.

Had dinner and sent bya, sd and yukiya back to ze west side~

So, the bottomline is, it was a great day today. Though I'm sure I missed half the fun, but it was still great. I hope we have more outings like this and next time get to know the people around me better =3

P.S to bya: Thanks alot for the LAMINATED picture of Tsukiumi. I seriously thought you were keeping the pic for yourself that's why I asked why you were gonna laminate it. But she really looks stunning and the roses complements her beauty well. Thanks again (_ _). It seems that I usually get drawings from girls as presents xD

With that, thy shalt end ze post~

2008-08-26T01:02:00.000+08:00

I'm finally breaking my code and will from here on start posting in any manner I want as I feel sorry for this blog since this pathetic owner doesn't have any brain juice left to create anymore poems =(

Alright. Lets start things off with today. Yes. TODAY.

2nd day of the 2nd prelims. Had Comb. Humanities today. Did some last minute reading on the bus. Instead of memorising facts, I was memorising answers =P It works. Trust me. SEQ was a breeze but the SBQ was hard.

Then one of me classmates suggested we play soccer. So everyone agreed. Played at the street soccer court. I should have NEVER went to play today..This is what happened to me >__>

Face got smashed with the ball thrice..YES..THRICE...
I think that really re-arranged my face and brain. The end product of those three hits was a bleeding nose, cut inside my mouth (can see the skin inside danglinging x__x)Didn't even notice the blood dripping on my shirt *facepalm*

When I went home I looked at myself. My right wrists have been cut alot recently. And seriously as you see the blood come out..Just thinking of it makes my right hand weak.

So, agent dear, if your reading this, I'm sorry this idiot of a client keep getting himself hurt (_ _)

Anyways, shall end my status report for today. My stomach is hungry. My legs are aching. My face is burning. So with that, I end my post.

2008-07-14T21:36:00.001+08:00

I may not have visible wings,

But these people ARE my wings.

2008-07-07T17:15:00.000+08:00

If I have to dry up,
if I have to be trampled on,
then at least let it be you

It's enough if I'm next to a beautiful flower,
I just want to be beside you

A painful short life it will never change

Every time you passed by you stroked me gently
On rainless days you gave me water so that I live strong

Then one day you disappeared now I'm blooming in vain
There's no water for a flower that will wither away
There's no light for the flower that will rot away
Just being scared of death I'm crawling in darkness
Looking for light I'm crawling in darkness

If you feel sorry for me then make a beautiful flower bloom
I want to be someone anybody can love

There's no water for an ugly drying flower
A flower that only rots away won't leave a bud behind
My eyes are covered in darkness,
I'm writhing,
I'm getting crushed

If it was you,
If it were you,
I thought you would help me out of here somehow
I was crying in the revolving lantern

The feeling you gave me
Was it just a dream born out of desire?
I will soon wither away without ever knowing

2008-07-02T22:40:00.000+08:00

Pungent smelling hair sprays,
Along with cosmetics.

Spurs from friends,
Cheers from the crowd.

When it's all said and done,
My heart and pride,
shattered in an instant,
by the harsh reality.

I wanted to open up my floodgates
and drown myself,
in all that effort which has gone
down the drain.

However, those gates just won't open.

Why?
I wonder.
What's keeping them shut?

Looking up,
I remember..
Of the friends who've supported me
through and through..
Thick and thin..
Always there when I need them.

Their support and cheers,
kept those tear-filled gates shut.
But olny for a moment.

Family who wouldn't even understand.
The shame, feeling of losing and lost pride.
The grey clouds of harsh reality came again
And it began to rain.

2008-04-20T20:04:00.000+08:00

The world is filled with people in blindfolds.

Mine fell off..

Vision obscure at first.

But when it did re-focus..

I realised that..

They are leaving me behind..

One at a time.

2008-02-10T21:44:00.003+08:00

A snowy flame scorches the heavens
Even if it tears my heart apart
I want to offer it to only you,
The crucifix on my chest

A sleepless, velvet moon
Adorned our clandestine room
With just the two of us, we secretly lock the door
Let’s dance, and succumb ourselves to these mischievous moments

I gently lit a fire on you
Ah… I will make you melt like a candle
Vow eternity to me

The chains of love cannot be broken by anyone
I will cast a sweet, pure spell on you
Even a forbidden melody
That only you can be forgiven for
I will become wings that soar freely
Catch me…quickly

On a night that has forgotten how to dawn
By a fountain that is filled with imprisoned stars,
You look like you are quietly praying alone
Let’s have a dream which we will never awaken from

Look for me who is bound within the darkness
Ah… Please wrap me right now
With that bewitching fragrance of yours

A snowy flame that soars towards the sky
Even if everything is swallowed by it and disappeared
I cannot stop this painful throbbing
That yearns for only you
Both of our mingled souls
Will someday make a miracle happen

Is fate certain?
Even if you can’t change
I will breathe a new life into you

The chains of love cannot be broken by anyone
I will cast a sweet, pure spell on you
Even a forbidden melody
That only you can be forgiven for
I will become wings that soar freely
Come…catch me quickly

2008-01-27T21:55:00.000+08:00

Iluminated by the midnight constillations,
I waited under the flickering lampost.

The leaves of autumn began to fall,
marking the start of the next season.

I can feel the air,
crying and howling.

I olny caught sight of you,
in the corner of my eye.

But it wasn't you..

So I waited..

And waited..

But you never came.

Why?
Because your already gone.

There was so much that I wanted to say.
I wanted to spend more time with you.
Get to know you even better.

But your not there.

You're just a memory.

Moonlight Flower

2007-12-28T18:07:00.000+08:00

I saw traces of you
In a sadly blooming flower.
Even though I love the rain,
Today it seems so cold.

Faint , fleetingly, the flower sways in the night
Letting out a single sigh, a fallen flower petal

I gather shards of the moon, decorate a dream and sleep
Even if I scatter the sands of time
I know I can never return to those days.

I looked up at the sky suddenly
Searching again for you
How many nights will it take
before tears become strength?

The seasons change. The forests are stained
The winds play a tune. Thoughts overflow

I want to meet you, my beloved
I want to touch you, it’s so painful
But it won’t reach you, I can’t tell you
These things won’t come true, it’s too far away.
You are no longer here.

The flower knows that it will die and be scattered,
but still it lives on full of vitality and color.

I gather shards of the moon, decorate a dream and sleep
Even if I scatter the sands of time
I know I can never return to those days.

I want to meet you, my beloved
I want to touch you, it’s so painful
But it won’t reach you, I can’t tell you
These things won’t come true, it’s too far away.
You are no longer here.

2007-07-23T22:30:00.000+08:00

I was raised up,
with so much expectations.
Expectations so high,
it seemed unreachable.

I was ignorant of the world.
Didn't have the slightest thought
of the future.

What mattered was now,
the present.

However, it seemed that,
I was fated to fail.
No matter how much I reached out
for my dreams,
they were shattered by reality.

My legs are cramped, but
Pretending not to notice, I go on
This foolish disease of mine
Seems only to get worse and worse

I was raised to do be able to
do great things,
to travel through stormy seas.
But alas,
I'm drowning down and down.
Into the depths of despair and failure.

Were all this years for nought?
Was I destined to fail that badly?
Is there no hope for me?

Questions flood through me like a plague.

In the night,
I realised this infection.

An explosion has ripped apart
The shattered fragments of my heart
And although now all I see
Are glittering lights all around me
When, I wonder,
did I become this weak?

I came to a halt.
And reminicised.

The answer was obvious.
I was trying to run away from it.
I'm just an empty shell.
Meant to be shattered anytime.

Though I may be smiling,
it's all but a Hollow Ataraxia.

Now, as I slowly picked the fragments,
which could never be saved,
I'm slowly..
but certainly..
drowned in despair..

2007-06-23T23:21:00.000+08:00

The Devil Z

A 5 year old dream
was laid infront of me
in this scrapyard.
A beaten and battered,
S30 Nissan Fairlady Z,
was left there to rot.

It's midnight blue paint overcoat,
glimmered as it basked in the sweltering sun.
As I walked towards it,
I could sense a presence coming from it.

The mechanic came over and told me that it was a notorious car.
A car which has already taken many lives,
killing it's owner each time.
Earning the title,
'The Devil Z'.

At that point of time,
I was scared for a moment
but a slight grin played across my lips.
----------------

Midnight.
The cold breeze swept on my face.
I turned around and gave a final look at the car.
I knew that my life was at stake.
With a reassuring smile,
I clambered into the driver's seat.

I turned the ignition.

With that, a low grumble came from the hood.
Somehow, I could understand that she still doesn't approve me
as her owner yet.
With a slight push on the accelerator,
the 620 horsepowered engine roared to life.
I let go of the pedal.
It was obvious that she wanted to run.

With a kick on the clutch,
I shifted into gear and slammed on the accelerator.

It was intense.
The tachometer kept going up.
Even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop.
I was estatic.
180km/h..
220km/h..

The Z just kept on going.
The engine produced such demonic speed.
All 620 horsepower going to the rear tires.
The world was a blur.
The traffic seemed like it wasn't moving.
It's as if time came to a stop.
I could just run forever.

I stepped on the pedal alittle harder.
Now at 250km/h,
I was abit worried myself.
But I trusted the car.
I trust that it won't screw up on me like it did on the previous owners.

As time dragged on, I started to wear out.
However, she refused to let me go of the pedal.
As I approached the corner, I slowed down a little
and turned the steering.

However, the car refused to respond to my counter-steer.

We slammed right to the road barrier.

-----------------

I stepped out of the car
and watched as the sun began to rise.
Lucky enough I made it alive through the night.
True enough, rumours of the car were for real.
However, it wasn't the car's fault. It was the driver's.
Even if one looses his concentration for a second,
the 'Fairliady' would reveal her horns and turn that night to a living hell.

I then laughed to myself.
I guess,
Even though she's a Devil, she's still a lady after all.

2007-06-20T23:18:00.000+08:00

Infection

‘Somehow, I have to answer back,’
With that, my tongue grows thick with weeds
A shadow passes through one more person’s heart
And strips off her mask

In the night
I sit down as if I'm dead

An explosion has ripped apart
The shattered fragments of my heart
And although now all I see
Are glittering lights all around me
When, I wonder,
did I become this weak?

My legs are cramped, but
Pretending not to notice, I go on
This foolish disease of mine
Seems only to get worse and worse

In the night
I realize this infection

An explosion has ripped apart
The shattered fragments of my heart
And although now all I see
Are glittering lights all around me
When, I wonder,
did I become this weak?

Growing more and more to fear
Every little fever that comes along
I may have little chance
But, still, I must wake up

An explosion has ripped apart
The shattered fragments of my heart
And although now all I see
Are glittering lights all around me
When, I wonder,
did I become this weak?

An explosion has ripped apart
the shattered fragments of my heart
Fragments... fragments... all around me
When, I wonder
did I become
this weak?

2007-06-11T02:11:00.001+08:00

Beyond the branch I pointed out
a shining entity rubbed against my cheek
whispering mica
memory locked within your heart
On that instant the fine nature has quivered

"Yes..."
The word has marked the serene silence on the puddle of despair

Sniffle sniffle, goes the cry baby

"Such scenery"
as I snuggled my hat deeper to block the view

Hey, this is it
Suddenly yelping breaking the silence

A seed of the ultimate phoenix of love being sealed within the eternal snow
All we have grasped is a fragile piece of its shadow

As a desperate form of the solution for the meaning of true happiness
I embraced the whithering sprinkle of snow and muttered

"I am fortunate to have met you"

2007-06-11T02:08:00.000+08:00

"How high is that, I wonder?"
you were saying
when we were young, under the moon.
Under the twinkling wax and wane, following its path, we played.

A hard rain fell for a half an instant.
The hydrangea flowers and the amber moon dance on the shore
while each admire the other.

Every time your biting words touch me, they disappear.*
Though I try not to drop even one,
the moon which I scooped and held in the palm of my hand,
had vanished.

Goodbye
a pair of butterflies, which stopped
on my fingertips, illuminated by my pale face.**
The snow that sparklingly shone
felt like you,
and my breath stopped...

Spider's silk is tangled around my fingers.
I... I don't have a face.

Rising and fading,
soap bubbles.
I didn't want them to break, so
I was careful,
even though I was so careful...

I am here!
Uh, god?
Riding on the ripples on the surface of the lake,
though I am shaking..

The butterfly that was beautifully decorated,
since when did it become a glass bead?
And I, who have nothing
as for the butterfly's flying away,
it was
because you were always, always here...

Goodbye
People who say nothing,
that's how it always is, isn't it?
As for the moon that sparklingly shone...
Oh! It dissolved into a snow-colored butterfly
and became tears.

2007-05-20T20:27:00.000+08:00

What's the use of persuing you now?
It's useless.

Sitting in a corner of this damp room.
Sound of dripping water from the broken tap.
I looked up and called out for your name.
No reply.
I tried again.
Same thing.

My heart was stabbed,
by the knives of reality.
The little world I created,
shattered instantly.
Without a doubt,
it was already unstable from the start.
Nauseaness seared through my head,
like a malice.

How long must this last?
"Make this go away!"
How long must this last?
"Please make this go away!"

There is no waking from this, nightmare
So cold with fury.
I just wanna get out of here.
Escape from reality
and be alone..

Cannot run away,
Cannot run away,
Cannot run..
Whispered a voice in the back.
It was right,

I fell into a slump.
There's no use regretting.
There's no use lementing.

Living life now has no meaning.
Throwing in the towel.
All I've got to do,
Is live like a emotionless machine.

2007-05-01T23:12:00.000+08:00

Ask yourself this,

What is 1+1+1+1?

It'll be tested for the rest of your life till the day you die.

2007-04-28T18:28:00.000+08:00

Our age, Our time

Run.
Run with all you've got.
As fast as your legs can take you.
Never looking back.
No matter what,
No matter where,
Keep on rshing forward.

Run.
There's no time to regret
Or you'll be left far behind.
In this world full of competition,
olny the fittest shall survive.

What a world we live in.
Society is cruel.
But alas it's part of our daily lives.
Take in the positve,
throw out the negative
but some negatives can be learnt from.

I'm sure everyone,
wishes to live in a world,
with no problems
and to be able to relax.

However, at this time and age,
it is all but a dream,
an illusion.

For that, call it cruel as you may
but, life in our age,
is just the way it is.
So, keep on running.
We shall stop,
olny when our body gives out
and we return to earth.

2007-04-22T18:44:00.000+08:00

I was born into this world
Without your precense.
I didn't know how you looked like.
Nor did I know who you are.

As days, months, years,
passed by, I grew up.
And you olny came back home for a lingering moment.

Childhood times,
I still remembered.
Of how I would disobey you,
causing trouble,
and spoiling our family's name.

The times, where you would beat me,
scold me.
The times which I though I hated you.
That hatred and anger, I kept it within me.

I couldn't vent it out for some reason.
I wanted to know why.

Time pressed on.
Never stopping.
I'm a teenager now.
And he still comes home olny for a bit.

As I mature, I gained some answers to my question.
I respect him now for being the sole bread winner for my family.
He is someone which I respect the most.
Above all.
Respected then any other hero.
He is,
My father.

As I write my feelings down now,
It takes me back to the times
where I would see other children with their parents.
I have mother,
but I feel like I'm incomplete.

I would always ask myself,
'Why isn't my father here?'

I am one of those who do not know
what fatherly love means.
I could olny just imagine.
But never hope to get as of now.

Father.
I'm sorry.
For all the trouble I have caused you.
I haven't been a good son.
I have let you down.
My grades aren't good at all.
I feel as if my future will turn out bad.

All I wanted to is to bring glory to the family.
To make mother proud.
And make you proud.
I want to see both of your joyful expressions
if I accomplish something,
be it big or small.

I just want to make you proud.
For what I accomplish.

But the many times I told myself that I would change,
I just couldn't.

I still stuck to my normal ways.
Not studying.
Nor do I bother about my future.
As the major exams come closer now,
I start to get scared.

I am alot of pressure.
I don't know what you two would do if
I were to score bad grades
and end up nowhere..

I don't want that!
I don't want to be at the losing end!
I want to be someone which is usefull to the society.
Someone which would make you two proud.

But at the rate I'm going..
I don't think I could do it.
I'm lost.
I'm pathetic..

All I'm doing now is cry.
Every night.
As I reflect upon myself.
Why can't I do anything about it?
Why can't I just sit down and study like
those top students do?
Why do I waste my wandering around and live in my own world!
WHY!
Why...

If I were to get bad grades..
Everyone will be dissapointed with me.
I would have let everyone down.

Mother..
Father..
Grandma..
Uncle..
Everone who expects so much from me..

I'm sorry..
I just can't do as much..
I've let you all down.

2007-04-16T18:20:00.003+08:00

School

Every morning, 6:45am

I would usually take the bus.
Where was I going?
It's so much of a daily routine that,
our bodies automaticaly does it.

After a few minutes ride, I finally arrived.

At a compound.
Many times bigger then our homes.

Though big, it's still comfy.
Enough to cal it our second home.

All around me, there was a bunch of emotions.
Some were happy,
Some wore a tired expression
while others just dragged their feet to the gates.

We have all come.
To our second home,
Our school.

I could here the chime of the bell.
Signaling either dread or joy.

No matter what happens here,
bittersweet and sour memories would always remain.
All the things I've learnt in this dome of knowledge,
I'll never forget them.

After going through 3/4 of day at school,
I finally stepped out of the gates.

Looking back at it,
I'm awfuly glad I'm studying here.
No matter what the hardships,
I'd always be grateful to you,
my school

2007-04-16T18:20:00.001+08:00

Resolution/\niotuloseR

The hustle bustle of the city
Which I just want to get away from.

Neon lights,
Congested roads,

People rushing home from work
After a tired day with a smile on their face.

Why are they smiling? I asked myself.
"They long to be with their family after a long day"
Came a voice from the back of my mind.

I continued walking on.
The scenery changed to a park full with couples.
Kissing,
embracing each other.
Why are they smiling? I asked myself.
"They are happy to be with their partner"
Came the same voice.

Mixed feelings ensued.
Jealousy, pain, lonliness.
I begun to run.
Run as fast as my legs could take me.
Running till my lungs and legs finally gave up on me.
I finally collapsed to the floor.

Everything was black.
"Why am I running? I asked myself yet again.
This time, there came no answer.
I guess, it's up to me to find the answer by myself.

As I calmed down,
I remembered my family, friends and the one I loved.
What's the use of running around?

I sat up.
I remembered the reasons why people smiled.

I stood up, closed my eyes and screamed out loud.
Venting all my frustrations and anger in that one scream.

Out of breath, I stopped and opened my eyes.
A mirror was infront of me.
A smile was on my face.

Why was I smiling? I asked myself.
"To a continue living for a better future ahead"

This time, the voice came from me.

2007-04-16T18:19:00.001+08:00

Mirror

I wandered around.
Ever wandering.

Never stoping.
Afraid of turning back.

Running from reality.
As always.

No matter how many vows I made,
I tend to break mine instead of others.

Unreliable,
That's what I am.
Can't be trusted even with the simplest of tasks.

Baka ne?
I asked myself.

After all that running,
I finally ask myself,
Why am I running?
Why can't I stop?
Why can I face reality head on?

That's all in the past now.
It's all but a vision.
A vision of what I would have been if didn't change.

I awaken from my trance.
The melody played from my guitar was the music which represents me.
I reflect on myself as the rythm unsued in my mind.
I continued strumming.
For I don't want to forget myself.

Before I would want to love someone,
I would like to love myself first.

I stopped strumming and placed the guitar down gently.

I walked up to a mirror.
A mirror which reflected an image of me.
I looked at the mirror for awhile.
I closed my eyes before finaly saying,

'Sorry'

2007-04-16T18:18:00.001+08:00

Sink

Negative thoughts flood back to my mind.
The positive, trying their best to resist.
Trying to think of all the happy times.
But to no avail.

I'm clueless.
I'm lost.

Is there no hope for someone like me?

Mind is drowning..
Slowly..
Into the cobalt lake..

Tried struggling..
To no avail..
The hands of the negative continued to pull me back down.

Water surface.
Beautiful from the top.
However, what awaits at the bottom is darkness.

As I go deeper down..
I can't see anything.
Blinded by the fear of rejection and acceptance.
Stabbed by the constant emptiness I am experiencing.

Deeper..
And deeper I drowned..

In this darkness,
there was olny one thing I held on to
as I start freezing..

Your warmth and touch..

Qui..c..k..

Im d r o wn in g --

2007-04-16T18:17:00.003+08:00

Infinite

Everyday that we live our lives together
Previous days that we drew each page with so, many colors

Open your eyes to see the world that's surrounding us
Open your eyes, let's go and grab a new future

On your mark, spread your wings to the sky

Are you ready to spread?
Kick start your heart, head up high
I believe you can do it
(you can do it now)

Smile when your heart is ready
Go take the path your heading
Follow your heart, believe it
Don't waste another moment
Your password is deep inside of your heart
(...of your heart)

Your own world, is what you make of it
It's inside of you, deep inside of you (deep inside of you)
There is no repeat
Just don't forget about the truth
That every moment is brand new

2007-04-16T18:17:00.001+08:00

b O d Y

The body.
Fascinating.
Something to be learnt from it.

Without any interference and influence,
our body will continue functioning without problems.

However,
take for example,
your flesh is being cut.

You feel pain right?
You feel like its the end of the world.
You feel like submitting to the pain.

Now what does your body do?
It tries its best to heal the wound.
Never stoping,
Our body works 24/7,
To stop the blood,
To stop the pain,
and lastly, to mend the wound.

Sometimes, our body manages to recover totaly
However, sometimes,
Scars do remain.

But do the scars hurt anymore?
No.
Instead, it feels numb.

Did our body give up on us even if we're in pain?
Nope.
Instead, it tries its best till the end.

Who is weaker now?
Us.

2007-04-16T18:16:00.001+08:00

Nightingale

A sense of anxiety.
A sense of anticipation.

Every night I'm waiting by my window
Waiting for something.

But what is it I'm waiting for?
I kept on asking myself.
Over and over

No matter how much I asked,
No matter how much I begged my brain,
It won't give me an answer.

But I waited.
Hoping for that answer.

Now,
Time has passed.
Though I've aged,
I'm still immature,
still the teenager I used to be.

I went to the window again
and gazed at the night sky.

A cool breeze blew against my face.
I gave a grin.

These few years have done me good.
My conscience is clear.
Now I know what I've been waiting for.

No matter what,
I'll always be waiting for you.

My Midnight Nightingale

2007-04-16T18:15:00.001+08:00

Lament

In the breeze of autumn.
I sat under the shady tree.
Watching over someone who has passed on.

Someone who will never come back.
No matter what happens.
That person will be gone forever.

As the autumn leaves begin fall,
I begin strumming on my guitar.
A requiem.
Composed for that beloved love one.

I paused for awhile.
To think about the one who had just passed on.
Memories,
Can never be erased.
No matter how hard one tries.
Bitter, sweet or sour,
They will be kept in our souls
Till death is to be upon us.

The leaves continue to fall.
And I continued strumming,
the requiem which I composed.

Flashbacks continued flodding my mind.
Of the times we spent together.
Never gonna forget them.
Not going ignore them.

However, all I could do now is regret.
Regret for taking things for granted.

As I strummed the last few parts of the requiem,
I noticed that the leaves had stopped falling.
And in turn, the surrounding,
were covered in a blanket of white snow.
It was already winter.

Finally, I came to a stop.

Negative thoughts began coming into my mind.
I was lost.
Lost both spiritually and physically.

Disowned..
No matter where I go.
What's the use of continuing?

However, a voice at the back of my head,
kept me from giving up.

What is it actually?

The 'voice' stopped.
But it took on the form of memories.
All kinds of memories.
The sad times.
The happy moments.
It began to make sense to me now.

No matter what happens,
I still have friends and family.

Wherever I go,
That fact will never change.

For,

"I am not afraid to keep on living.
I'm not afraid to walk this world.
Nothing people say will stop me from going home"

Slinging my trusty guitar round my shoulder,
I began my journey on finding my 'home'.

2007-04-16T18:14:00.001+08:00

Friend

Whenever I am down.
Whenever I need help.
There are a few people I would turn to.
My parents.
My grandmother.
My siblings.
But last but not least,
My friends.

My friends.
People whom were strangers before we met.
From totaly different backgrounds.
But all that didn't matter.
We are connected by a bond now.

My friends.
People whom I could trust.
People whom I could count on.
People whom I would gladly help out.
People whom I wish to treasure.

My friends.
Different races,
Different colour,
Different language.
But all that didn't matter.
For were together now.

As for those who detest me,
I could just give a sigh.
Hate me for all I care.
Just know that, I would accept you as my friend.
No matter what,
All I want is a big chain of friends.

Thus we are able to help each other out.
Weaknesses can be overcomed together.

When we are outside,
Friends are our family.
We should look out for each other,
Take care of each other
and try to get along together.

My friends.
Hear me now.
"There is no such things as strangers. They are olny friends whom we have not met"

2007-04-16T18:13:00.000+08:00

Smile

Smile.
A smile so pure
As pure as snow.
Energizing.
An expression which warms my heart.
Refreshing.
Rids my mind from poisonous thoughts.
It gave me a new pair of wings
to stand on my two feet once more
and soar to reach beyond the clouds.

However, smiles can be decieving.
Your smiles were nothing but lies.
Nothing but a masquerade
Where evil and misfortune reside.
To think that I was naive
for actually relying on you.

Those wings that you gave,
were forcefuly ripped away by you.
I realised that I was wingless.
I began plumeting from the sky above.
I knew that choices had consequences.
This was my payment.
If this was my destiny,
I would gladly accept it.

I admit for my mistakes.
Thought it's too late to repent,
Before I'm gone,
I will,
With a smile,
Say thank you
To my friends,
To my family,
To my enemies,
To the people who hated me for my past misdoings.

As I said all that out,
I closed my eyes,
A big grin on my face.
With a big, final, sigh,
I said, One last, Final, Thank You.

2007-04-16T18:12:00.000+08:00

Cobalt x Monochrome

I entered the forest.
A forest of no return.
Rumour has it that eden was within it.
Being a human,
It's within him to find his peace of mind.

Thus I began my journey.
A journey where there is no turning back.
My compass facing the north,
I stood in front of the thick forest.

Once I entered the forest,
there was no light.
It was full of despair.
I went blind.
My sense of sight was erased totaly.

However, with the goal to keep on going,
I kept on trecking through the darkness.
Where was I going, I had no idea.
I kept on walking and walking..

Walking..

Walking..

I finally break into a sprint.
But to no avail,
I didn't seem to have moved.

I came to a halt.
I looked around me.
My mind was in a helpless state.
I was confused and lost.
Why? I told myself.

Just then, I remembered my goal.
Why I was here.
And that is to find Eden.

I closed my eyes
And calmed my mind.
I kept on thinking that I would achieve my goal.
The thought of what eden would be like,
kept on swirling in my mind.

From there, I kept on walking and walking.
I trusted my senses and relaxed myself.
I kept on walking till I slammed into something hard.

I stummbled to the ground.
My eyes blinked open.
What stood infront of me was a tree.
I was captivated.
Not by the tree but soemthing else.

At the bottom of the tree, was a flower.
But not just any flower.
A Cobalt flower.
Something which is one of it's kind.

I looked around and noticed that
there was another simmilar tree
and the same flower at the exact same position.
I looked at what seemed like a gate infront of me.

The moment I stepped into it,
the darkness was swept away.
Sunlight took over.
What was infront of me was breathtaking.
Meadows and meadows of Cobalt flowers were littered everywhere.

However, just before I could take another step, I was swallowed by darkness again.

I was left on my knees.
"I guess, Eden isn't for anyone to come knocking on huh?"

However, I picked myself up and discarded any signs of sadness.
What was left in this darkness which I could see.
Was that one Cobalt flower.
Radiating a bluish light from it.

I went forwards and sat by it.
Even in the darkness.
Even if I can't return to where I came from,
Even if I were to lose everything,
I still have this one little flower.

But as soon as I touched the flower,
It turned greyish and faded to dust.

I fell into dispair.
I knew that I won't live long.
It was at that time that I know that.
There are some things which should be left alone.

2007-04-16T18:11:00.001+08:00

Never

I'm sick.
Sick and tired of crying.
Why do I give up before I achieve something?
Why am I a cowardly person?
Why oh why?

However,
Your smiling face delivers light that heals me.
It makes me rejuvinated.
Ever ready to take on anything.
And anything which comes my way.

You're my friend which I respect, care for and treasure the most.

People are bewildered that life must end
And time strikes them harshly.
But even if this world ends today,
I will still protect you.

However, my feelings for you cannot be erased
Nor deleted like computer data.
Memories with you are so hard to forget.
I enjoyed your company.

Your smile.
Like a precious treasure which I will guard.
Gave me the courage to rush past anything.
To never give up and move on!

I want to be with you.
I've fallen and tasted the ground.
But you were the one which kept me going.
I will never trade it for the world.

I love you.
Ever so dearly.
However, this voice does not reach you.
But, I will not give up!
I will continue trying until this voice of mine,
reaches your ears.

Until that day comes,
I will not give up!
Never ever!

People are frightened of encountering the end of their lives,
But I'm not afraid.
Even if this world ends today,
I will still love you.

But as friends we are now,
I would like to thank you.
However, even if I said thank you a million times,
It still wont be enough
To repay your kindness
and that priceless smile.

My friend..

My friend..

I'll continue waiting.
Patiently..
Waiting..
Till that forked path comes
Where you'll be the one to decide my fate.

Be it the path of acception or rejection,
I will accept my destiny.
However, if I do get rejected.
We will still be friends right?

2007-04-16T18:09:00.002+08:00

Love has expiry dates

It started out fine.
Her smile kept me going through the day.
While my craziness made her smile.
It was an infinite loop.
Or so I thought.

Being friends for awhile,
My feelings grew for her.
Growing..
Expanding..
Every single waking moment
where I am by her side.

However, this feelings weren't realised.
For on this rainy night,
my heart which has just been glued back together,
started to have cracks on it.
For she was with a third party.

And a third party which was much more closer
and whom she trusted more.

Under my umbrella..
Under the pouring rain..
Pounding onto the shield which protects me
and keeps me dry,
I confesed her by phone.

And on that overhead bridge I waited..
Waiting for an answer..
Waiting intently..
I could feel my heart beating fast.

When that little screen came to life,
I opened that message without wasting anytime.

However...

Tears started coming out..
I dropped my shield..
I came onto my knees.
The stream of tears
becoming one with the rain..

I thought that we had gotten somewhere.
But..
alas,
I realized that Love has expiry dates too..
And that day was on this quiet night..

I bare this sorrow alone.

2007-04-16T18:09:00.001+08:00

Teacher

I am just but a hatchling.
However, you were the one who natured me.
Natured me so that I could spread my wings.
And fly away from the comfort of this nest.

You thought me the hardships of the cold world.
You thought me essential things needed to survive
in this harsh and competitive world.

Whenever I have any problems,
I would always know that
I could count on you.
Knowing that you will be all ears.

You would scold me when I'm wrong.
Praise me when I'm improving
but never making me be ahead of myself.

3 years passed fleetingly.
You've thought me all you can.
You gave me the push without me knowing.
Not realizing that you were not there any more.
To support me.
To teach me.

I found out that, I could soar.
I could raise my head up high
and touch the clouds.

But no matter what,
I would glance back to that nest.
To see her teaching others.

I would go back to the comfort of that nest
and ask,

Teacher?

2007-04-16T18:08:00.001+08:00

Torn Thread

The was once a doll.
A doll of superb grade and manufacture.
However, there was olny one in the world.
And the messed up part is,
No one knows about it.

For this doll,
Looks just like a human.
It has emotions too.

One day,
He was roaming the streets.
However, as he pass that particular place.
He notices a room which is always lit
Late at night.

Curious,
He peered through the window,
on a cold snowy night.

In there was a young girl.
A girl who is bedriddened.
It seems that, she is suffering
from depression.

Yet, the sad thing is,
She doesn't have any parents
Nor anyone who will take care of her.
She was in a mess.
But beautiful, she was.

The doll was captivated by her beauty.
From then on, he decided to be her guardian.

The moment he entered the room,
the girl spun towards his direction.
She gasped.
It was the most angelic thing
she had ever seen in her life.

His shoulder length hair flowing gently.
His footsteps just as quiet as he is.
He approaced her.
With a smile.
A smile which is so strong
that it just makes a person want to smile too.

The girl replied back with a smile.
From then on, they became the best of friends.
However, little did she know that,
He has developed feelings for her.

Even though a doll,
he is just like a human with emotions.
In fact, she didn't know he was a doll.

As time passed by,
The girl had recovered from her illness.
However, little did she know that,

He was starting to fade..

He is but a doll..

They too have a 'life span'.

Even though he was 'sick' and rotting within,
He kept it away from her.
He tried desperately to continue,
making her smile and laugh.
For there was nothing which he treasured more.

The flow of time continued.

When the girl who is now a fully grown lady,
came back from work,
He was sitting by the window,
Gazing at the heavy rain outside.

He turned his head around and smiled.

The lady,
too tired,
Smiled back and tucked in without changing her clothes.
But before she fell asleep, he said,

"I've been with you all this while.
I've watched you grow up.
I've raised you.
I love you so much I can't bare to let you go.
But, nothing lives forever..
No matter what, I'll keep living in your heart".

With all the powers he had left, he made her fall asleep.

The next day, the lady went to work as usual.

"Hey, what's that on your desk?"her colegue asked.

Her reply?

"It's just my guardian angel which has been with me and will be with me till the end of time"

2007-04-16T18:07:00.001+08:00

Glue x Glass (Part 2)

His hair was ruffled.
His clothes were worn.
His skin was soaked to the bone.
His heart had a void in it.

The boy was just coming home from school.
In the heavy rain..
He passed by the town..
He then looked at one of the shophouses.

And there it was..

Standing right infront of the display.
Full of grace,
Beauty,
and mostly, complete.

The boy dropped his heavy load
and ran towards the shop.
He stared in awe at how beatiful
the end product was.
It was even more beautiful then he ever imagined.

It was out-of-this-world..
Simply put, perfection.

But, as he gaped at the sculpture,
the man from before and chased him away..

Back at home his humble but run downed abode,
he laid on his make shift bed,
a piece of cloth and
his pillow which was his school bag..

He knew all hope was gone in getting her back..
It was imposible..
He felt hopeless and useless..

He looked up at the whole in the roof.
He could see the sky again..
As he continued to gaze at the stars, he fell asleep..

In his dream, he met his late sister..
His sister just said something simple..

"Believe,
Pray,
Place your hopes.
But if you don't work for it,
You won't get what you want..
Therefore,
Follow your heart..Believe in yourself
and you'll achive the things you want.

Even if you fail, you knew that you did your best.
It's better to fall doing something then to do nothing!"

With a smile, the boy regained conciousness..

Full with grit and determination,
His desire to get back the sculpture,
was burning brighter then ever.
The flame in his heart was rekindled.

He stormed out of his house
and onto town
and into the shop.

The young man was stunned.

The boy was a boy no more.
He is a matured man.

Like a bird,
He had spread his wings
and learned how to fly.
He knew what to do.
It's better to go down
then to go down doing nothing,
with regrets..

He snatched the sculpture
and ran for it.
He ran as fast as his legs could carry him.
His house was in sight,
He barged right in.

Once home,
He placed the sculpture
where it was supposed to be.

Right under the hole in the roof.
Letting the moon,
light the sculpture up
with the moonlight.

The boy gazed at the sculpture in awe.
He was on the brink of obsession.

Just then, he could see a tear
coming down from the sculpture.

He thought he was seeing things.
But no.

Now streams of tears,
were pouring down the sculpture's 'eyes'.

He could hear the sculpture calling to him.

He came nearer to the sculpture..

"I was glad that you took the time
and tried to fix me up..
I'm sorry for being such a burden..
But I feel even sorry for you
when I see you like this..

The reason you found me broken
in the first place was because
was because the 1st owner became
obssesed over me..
He prefered me over his wife
Thus she broke me to pieces..

However, you almost completed me.
But was taken away by that man..
I gave a sigh of relief..
I thought that you'd be better of
without me..

But, I did not expect you to come
back for me. Then on, I knew that,
you were slowly turning into that
person.

I believe that, you're better of without me
I do not wish to see you like this..
You're deserve better..

I'm sorry.."

Just before he could take another step,

From behind him however,
a shadow lurked.

His barrel of salvation,
was now nothing more then
something with the intent of murder.

With the click of the triger,
a glint of silver
ejected out of the barrel
with a bang for a second..

And pierced the boy's heart from behind
with a blink of an eye.

He clutched his chest
and looked at his palm.

It was stained with crimson.

His vision was getting blurry.
He dropped to his knees.
Blood splattered on the cold floor
and on the sculpture..

On his dying breath, he said,
"I'm sorry..
For dirtying your beauty..
with blood.."

2007-04-16T18:06:00.001+08:00

Glue x Glass

There was once a boy
Whom one day, found broken pieces of glass
Which was actually pieces from a
beautiful..
stunning..
sculpture.

He tried using all the glue
which he had at his disposal.
However, to no avail,
The pieces just won't stick together..

Till one day, he stepped out of his house,
and bought a new type of glue instead.

He brought it home
and started to put the pieces together.
It worked!
Thus, began the slow process
of putting the broken pieces together,
just like a jigsaw puzzle.

However, just before he could finish,
another person rasped on his
humble but run-downed door.

The boy opened the door to find,
a handsome,
young man,
stood infront of him.
He came in without saying a thing
and took the broken pieces
and nearly completed sculpture with him.

Before he left, the man stopped
turned around and sniggered.
"Mine.."

The boy was just left there.
His legs were rooted to the ground.
He couldn't move.
His chest tightened up.
It was hard to breathe.
His hardwork and dedication,
was taken away just like that.
And he couldn't do a single thing about it..

He felt helpless..
Devastated..
Confused..
Negativity began flooding into his mind..
Throwing off all the positive thoughts
which he had from before..

His legs gave way and fell onto the cold floor..
He landed on his knees..
And looked up.

Up..
Up to the stars above.
What a beatiful night it was..
Just then, he saw a shooting star..

He held his hands together
Prayed..
and made a wish..
He wished that..
If he was given the chance..
Even if it was a taste..
He would like to be loved by someone..
Treated like an equal..
Gain wealth..even if it's alittle..
And most still, to complete that
unfinished sculpture which was forcefuly taken away..

He then realised that tears poured from his eyes
and could finally move again.

He then looked at the bottle of glue
and picked it up.
He looked at the spot where the sculpture should have been placed..
And said..

"Oh beautiful sculpture..
If olny you could hear my voice..
You're one of the most beautiful things
which I've come across..If olny I could have finshed
patching you up together..I'm sorry I finished halfway..
and to use such cheap glue to patch you up..Such a person
like me, doesn't deserve to keep you, let alone patch you up..

I'm sorry..

I'm sorry...."

His grasp on the bottle became loose,
causing it to drop on the floor and roll to a corner..

He started crying again..Saying sorry over and over..

2007-04-16T18:05:00.001+08:00

Stargazer

I gazed at the stary sky late at night..

What a beautiful sight it was..
The stars,
Glittering..
Shining..
Right into the night..

However, I get to see another type of star..
Be it day or night, I still get to see..

For, she is also a star..
A star in many ways.

A star Athlete
A telented drummer

And when I gaze into her eyes,
they glint..
and shine back at me..

I'm just but a stargazer..
Gazing into space..

Life, to me which is not known.
A future which is not promised.
I keep on living for the sake of living..

This poem was like a flower, which fades away in time.
A perishing poem that never strikes the heart.

2007-04-16T18:04:00.001+08:00

Zero to Hero

Sometimes a dreamer,
Is a loser.

Somtimes, Reality,
Isn't what it seems to be.

Therefore,

Dare

To

Dream..

Don't give up hope.

When the going gets tough,
Roughen up and just be tougher.

Even if you fall, you'll know that
You've done you're best
And don't blame yourself for your failure

For you know that you've given your al

2007-04-16T18:03:00.001+08:00

Miseinen

I was frantically looking for something.
It's okay to stumble, so go forward.
I know it's foolish, I just run on without regret.
The only one I can trust is myself, I didn't need friends.
The fangs I bared at anything and everything,
sexual stuff in adolescence is delicate and fleeting.
I wanna be strong, give me the strength to live on my own,
honestly, I was just scared of betrayal.
I knew that nothing would change if I kept running away
but I couldn't change myself.
The loneliness I prided myself on
was a pair of wings to escape to my worthless dreams.
The self assertion I prided myself on called 'RIOT',
there was no freedom, nothing beyond this light.
Teenage Bluely Days,
I was drowning in each rough new day.
Before I knew it I was shouldering such loneliness.
It was hard. To be honest,
I really didn't want to be on my own.

Since always pretending to be strong makes one forget one's true face.
It's important to occassionally loosen up and rely on others.
Hurt... When you want to cry, face the great big sky
and scream out in a loud voice.
That you want to forget yourself, so you can keep being who you are.
The encouraging voices of my father, my mother, and my friends
spurred on, even one so weak as myself, they gave me light.
The loneliness and pain of my youth that I prided myself on
were a pair of wings to escape to my worthless dreams.
If there's a freedom to be had in that clear blue sky
I wouldn't care if these wings I'm so proud of were torn off.
I began running, frantically aiming for the sky
I spread my wings and flew away, and the spot where I fell
was 'freedom'.
With a wonderful family, and wonderful friends
these were the best days of my life, if I'm reborn
let's meet again...

2007-04-16T18:02:00.001+08:00

Rain x Snow

Wind,
Blowing against my face.

I wake up in the morning with a frown on my face.
I look out of my window
and what did I see?

The clouds were grey.
I could feel the wind getting stronger.
I could see thunder and lighting.
Striking angrily, just like my anger and angst
Which I have been bottling up this years.

Visibility was low.
My mind is as clouded as the sky.
I'm as lost as a wandering soul.

Where should I go next?

What do I do now?

What is my existence here for?

After so much that has happened, I remembered my passion.
That burning desire which I had since a child.

I've gained enlightenment and I know now what I'm supposed to do.

On this rainy christmas, I sit silently by my window..

Wishing..

Hoping..

Praying..

For this christmas, It's snowing in my heart.
Freezing all needless emotions
and the fiery passion will soon melt
all this snow which will soon mark the start of spring.

To be able to race for eternity,
To feel the wind brushing against my face
and most of all, to be able to enter a world of my own,

That's what I wanted all along.

But for now,
I just need to enjoy the snow
And be frozen till spring comes.

2007-04-16T17:50:00.000+08:00

Honto ni Arigato (Thank you,Truly)

I fell into a deep slumber
A slumber which I can't forget up till now
And it's due to the fact that I dreamt of something.

Something which I will never forget.

In that dream, I met my first love. My first kiss.

Ahh..How sweet the dream was.
But, All good things come to an end.

In just a few, I regained conciousness
and was faced with reality again.

It was a dream which wasn't meant to be
And never will be.

God gave me a taste of how it was like to be in love
but, he also has the power to take it away.

How much of an idiot could I be,
for not cherishing it while it lasted.

I don't know what to say to myself.
For I love this one person so much.

Even though I said I was alright infront of my friends,
Truth is, I just can't get over it.

Why can't mermories be altered like computer data?

I believe, there's a reason so.
And that is to make us remember the past.

We should look back into the past,
If there was mistakes committed, then we should learn from our mistakes.
If it were beautiful memories, we should hang on to them and cherish them for eternity.

We shouldn't be embarrased nor hide our past away.
We should make it a learning experience instead.

All this, I speak of,
Was triggered by that dream.
It's like pulling the trigger of a gun.
Where in an instant, a bullet will be shot out.
A bullet can either be used to kill for one's self or to protect.
It's a double edged sword.

Thatnks to that dream,
I learnt more about this world and have a more insight and perspective on things.

I thank you for that.

Thank you.

Truly, Thank you.

2007-04-16T17:49:00.001+08:00

The end of the world

In the end where this sky goes,
The waves of the future can't be seen yet.

As long as we've lived how many of us have risen above fate?
Who's going to teach us, who's going to ask us?

People are frightened of encountering the end of their lives,
But I'm not afraid.
Even if this world ends today,
I will still love you.

The sunbeams streaming through the leaves are gentle,
But for that eternity cried.

The earth becomes blue in my overflowing sorrow
Words wither, and love is all that remains, right?

People are bewildered that life must end
And time strikes them harshly.
But even if this world ends today,
I will still protect you.

Your smiling face delivers light that heals me.

People are frightened of encountering the end of their lives,
But I'm not afraid.
Even if this world ends today,
I will still love you.

2007-04-16T17:43:00.000+08:00

I only want to be with you

I don’t know what it is that makes me love you so
I only know I never want to let you go
‘Cause you started something, can’t you see
That ever since we met you’ve had a hold on me

It happens to be true
I only want to be with you

You stopped and smiled at me, asked me if I’d care to dance
I fell into your open arms and I didn’t stand a chance

Now listen honey, I just wanna be beside you everywhere
As long as we’re together honey I don’t care
‘Cause you started something, can’t you see
That ever since we’ve met you’ve had a hold on me

No matter what you do
I only want to be with you

No matter (no matter) what you do
I only want to be with you

No matter (no matter) what you do
I only want to be with you

I’m a Loser

When I talk to you, I can’t find the thing to calm my heart’s sorrow

I don’t know the time when my stretched head was connected to my neck

Hold my hands

The betraying cloud soon clears up

Yes, a grain of light flows through a rift between clouds

Oh tell me what you want

An ordinary sorrowful farewell

Oh tell do you feel the same?

A destination where untouching words still do not remain...

Oh tell me what you want

Distant land with uncertain partings

Give me a chance to catch my breath
Give me a chance to catch my breath

Tired from walking, Just let me rest already..

Now I'm sure

It’s not easy to explain
The way I feel for you
Though sometimes I cause you pain
But never meaning to
I could never hurt you
Without hurting myself
Cause you’re part of me now
Part of me like nobody else
And I just pray every day
Nobody takes you away
Cause I need you
And no one could love you more
Now I’m sure Now I’m sure
I’m through with all those years
Of wandering
I made you cry
But dry your tears
Cause now I’m sure
Now I’m so sure
I know I’ll never need
Somebody more
Cause you’re the one
I’ve waited for
And now I’m sure